i will send her a message saying "was it peaceful there that my presence wasn't around?"

sounds like you want her to know she felt calm without you. that’s more about what you’re carrying than what she’d even answer.

that line hits i get wanting to ask it. i once drafted almost the same thing after my breakup. never sent it but just typing it made me feel a little lighter.

i used to write stuff like that too, not to send, just to bleed it out. then i’d stare at it and feel sick thinking how small i looked in his world.