Lately, I haven’t been able to sleep, but tonight, when I lay down in my bed and closed my eyes… for a second, I felt as if I were in his room, with him by my side. I realized I no longer remember his scent very well, but I hugged my pillow as if it were his arm, and I can swear… it really felt so real. It felt like everything that happened had been a bad dream. I felt like I was at his home.
I realized that I’m still in love with him. Even though new men have talked to me, I don’t even feel like replying to their flirting messages, so I often feel too lazy to respond. When I last spoke with him to end everything, I didn’t feel like I was talking to the same man who, after I confessed my love, promised me we would experience so many things together, who taught me to try sushi for the first time, who excitedly told me he would learn to dance salsa just to take me dancing… the last person I saw was his killer, leaving his corpse on the table.
I finally understand this phrase:
When you left, at first I didn’t understand, until suddenly I felt it.
You went from being with me, to being in me.
Yes, maybe later he confessed that he no longer felt anything for me, but I know that when he said all those beautiful things, what he really felt was love. That man will stay in my mind, and even though he’s no longer here, and I will never be able to bring him back, I will remember him as the man I have loved the most.
Last updated on:2025-08-28T14:46:02+05:30
Comments (2)
lying in bed and thinking i could still smell his shampoo on my hoodie, even though it had been washed a bunch of times. the mind fills in the blanks. it’s not fake, it’s just love hanging around a bit longer.
i used to do that too, hugging my pillow like it could trick my brain into thinking he was still there. pissed me off after, cuz it felt pathetic but i couldn’t stop. it’s like your body doesn’t get the memo, it keeps reaching for someone who already walked away.