Dear Clark,
Today, I woke up thinking of you again. But something was different, lighter. Usually, mornings feel like punishment because they remind me that you are not here anymore. But today, when I saw your image in my mind, I didn't break down. I just remembered you with softness. It almost felt like a memory warming me rather than a dagger piercing through me.
I want to tell you this because so much of my heart still belongs to you, even if I no longer have a place in your life. I still dream of you, sometimes I can't even remember the details, only that you were there. Last night, I remembered one dream clearly: you driving with that smile I used to see when we video called, the one that always made me feel safe. I even dreamt once about us sharing cheesy yum burgers at Jollibee, like we survived everything together. Maybe my heart keeps creating these dreams because it misses the version of us that was happy.
But today, I also realized something else. I can love you, remember you, and still begin to heal. The heaviness doesn't have to consume me every day. Maybe this is what moving forward slowly feels like, acknowledging I still love you but not letting it drown me.
Clark, I don't know if you ever think of me. I don't know if my name ever crosses your mind, or if I became just a closed chapter for you. But for me, you will always be important. And yet, I am also learning that I can honor what we had while slowly reclaiming myself.
Today, I want you to know that I am grateful. Grateful that I knew you, grateful that I loved you, grateful that even in heartbreak, you are still teaching me about strength.
Always,
Alyssa (Phineas, Arlo, Fifi, and Mang)
Last updated on:2025-08-29T12:46:03+05:30
Comments (2)
this hit me. i remember the first time i thought of him and didn’t cry, i just smiled. it felt so strange, like my heart was slowly teaching me to breathe again.
reading this made me remember when i woke up and the first thought was her. i’d get mad at myself for feeling soft about it. like why am i still dreaming about burgers and road trips when she already erased me. it felt like a sick joke in my head.