Dear Clark,
It's September 1. A new month. A new chapter. I woke up today in a different place, far from everything we once knew together. My apartment is quiet. The silence wrapping around me like something both comforting and heavy.
I want to tell you how strange it feels, Clark. To walk outside and see streets that don't have our memories in them. To sit down at a table and know you'll never walk through the door. To clean up after myself and not have you on video call.
Earlier, after arriving, I was busy with everything. Unpacking, arranging my things, making sure the apartment felt livable. But in every corner, there you were in my mind.
You know what's strange? The silence here has a different texture. Back home, silence always meant you were just one call away. I could open Viber and see your name. I could say "hi" and you would be there. Here, silence means I'm truly on my own. And yet, somehow, I still feel you in the background of my heart.
This move wasn't just about leaving home. It was about letting go of us. Maybe distance would help me heal faster. Maybe if I'm far enough, the ache would dull. But Clark, love doesn't disappear just because we're apart. You're still here, in my dreams, in my habits, in the way I look at the world.
But I'm trying. That's what I want you to know. I'm trying to reclaim myself. I'm trying to build a life that isn't held together only by memories of you. It may seem small but they feel like stepping stones to a future I want to believe in.
Sometimes I wonder if you think of me too. If you dream of me the way I dream of you. I know I shouldn't hold onto that thought. It's dangerous. But deep down, I can't deny that part of me still hopes you carry me too, even in silence.
Clark, you were my greatest love. Maybe you still are. Maybe you always will be. But today, September 1, I made a quiet promise to myself: I will carry you, but I will carry myself too. And little by little, I'll learn how to live with both.
Always,
Alyssa (Phineas, Arlo, Fifi, and Mang)
Last updated on:2025-09-01T22:43:02+05:30
Comments (2)
reading this feels like you’re holding both grief and strength at once. i remember unpacking in my new place and every box felt heavier because he wasn’t on the other end anymore.
i hated moving after mine ended. new place new walls but i still heard his voice in the silence. i wanted distance to kill the ache but it followed me.