A few months ago I started invading my girlfriend’s privacy. We had a brief breakup two months ago and even though we quickly got back together, I was blindsided by it and lived in fear she would do it again. Whenever my anxiety flared up I would go on her profile to see if she was planning another breakup. In doing so I also uncovered some incredibly sensitive personal information about her that I was never supposed to see. I also found numerous posts about the problems we were having but even after seeing the effects of my lurking, I still couldn’t stop.
I couldn't live with the guilt and shame anymore so I tried to confess but found myself lying and downplaying the severity of my actions. Each time I couldn't bring myself to tell the whole truth and the guilt never went away. I've realized that compulsively lying is my defense mechanism from childhood. In a final conversation yesterday I told her everything, though she had to press me for some of the details. I truly don't want to be this person anymore and want to leave this life behind. I knew this would likely end the relationshipbut I put that aside to give her the honesty she deserves.
I hate that I'm like this and it's so hard to stop. I'm planning to seek therapy and read books to try and understand why I am the way I am and what I can do to change. I feel stupid for ruining the most important relationship of my life over this. I feel absolutely terrible. She’s going to meet me later today and I assume it's to break up. I hurt her really badly and I've accepted that I can't do anything about it. I just don’t know how to recover from this. I’ve lost all respect for myself and don’t want to be this person anymore.
Last updated on:2025-09-03T10:31:02+05:30
Comments (5)
what i notice is you already assumed the end before she even said it. same as when i confessed my own mess. i thought that moment defined me forever but it didn’t. at the time though it felt like the worst version of me was all that existed.
i once told half-truths to someone i loved because i was scared they’d leave if i said it all. every time i lied i felt smaller. it’s painful when honesty finally comes out but i get why you couldn’t hold it in anymore.
i remember when i snooped through my ex’s stuff and found things i wasn’t supposed to. the guilt ate me alive but i still did it again. felt like i destroyed us with my own hands. i hated myself more than i hated the breakup.
I know it's hard, but if she was keeping things from you at all, then that just shows that the relationship was never as perfect as it felt. You may of done wrong by looking through her stuff, but she did wrong by not telling you her thoughts about things. Communication is key. If she couldn't give that to you, then it's not worth beating yourself up over it. Someone better will come along and treat you right who you will in turn also treat right.
honestly I think it may be a good idea to look into therapy, I think that can help. And none of us are good people all of the time, we have our own moments of weakness too. In my opinion, I feel like it could have been you deep down telling yourself that perhaps there was something wrong with this relationship. And there's nothing wrong with that either. I think the biggest sign though is that you guys didn't seem to have the best communication in your relationship with her posting about her issues rather than talking to you about it. communication and trust in a relationship are definitely the most important pieces to making a relationship work and if you can't find that with a person, that's okay. that just means that somewhere out there, there is a person for you.