Dear Clark,
Today, I did something simple but, in my heart, it felt like a big step: I went grocery shopping. Maybe that sounds ordinary, but in this strange place where I am alone, it carried so much weight. I pushed the cart by myself, picked up food that will last me at least a week, and bought little essentials for my apartment. Each item I placed in the cart whispered back to me: You're living here now.
It was strange without you. I kept remembering how we used to do these things together. Grocery aisles feel different when there's no one walking beside me. Still, I managed. And maybe that's the point: I have to learn to manage on my own.
Afterward, I tried to learn the bus route. I was nervous, Clark. I thought I'd miss my stop or ride the wrong one, but somehow, I figured it out. When I realized I knew how to get home, even if it was just one route, I felt this little spark of relief. A small victory. And yet, I couldn't help but imagine how much easier it would have been if you were sitting next to me, pointing out the stops, reassuring me that we'd figure it out together.
That's what I miss the most, I think. The togetherness. Life feels heavier without it. But here I am, trying to carry it anyway. And yet, despite the ache, there's something inside me that feels proud. I didn't collapse. I didn't give up. I survived today. Maybe that's what healing looks like. Not in big gestures, but in small victories.
Clark, I don't know if you'll ever read these words, but I want you to know that I still carry you with me. Even as I try to move forward, even as I try to build a life without you, a part of me still measures everything against the life we once dreamed of. It's both my strength and my weight.
I miss you. But tonight, I also feel a little hope. Maybe this place will surprise me. Maybe I'll make friends here. Maybe one day, the heaviness will lift, and I'll smile without the ache in my chest. For now, I'm just taking it day by day, victory by victory.
Always,
Alyssa (Phineas, Arlo, Fifi, and Mang)
Last updated on:2025-09-02T19:52:02+05:30
Comments (2)
i hated grocery stores after the breakup. every aisle felt like a reminder every small thing was a punch. i’d get pissed at myself for missing someone over toothpaste and cereal.
i remember the first time i did errands alone. it felt empty but also kind of tender like i was taking care of myself even when i didn’t want to. it’s ok that you miss how it was it makes sense.