she messaged me today just a plain practical text about coming to get the rest of her stuff no emotion no kiss just im off tomorrow and the next day can i come get the rest of my things the moment i saw her name my stomach dropped my heart sank it was horrible i almost cried i hate that she has that power over me it hurts like hell i keep replaying what she said when she left i dont think you love me as much as you think that was her projecting she stopped loving me and pushed it onto me i was still in love with her i was still attracted to her i still wanted to fight i never gave up shes the one who stopped giving affection i begged for it for years for her to be more romantic to be more physically close and she never gave it i bought her gifts planned things even a fucking pottery wheel so we could make memories together but she expected me to do everything to be the only one keeping us afloat and when i didnt she decided the romance was dead why is it always on the man to put in the effort to plan the dates to create the romance to keep the spark alive what about her role why couldnt she come to me with affection with surprise plans with a little effort just for me i got sick of carrying it and now shes walked away leaving me raw broken and empty as if all the responsibility for keeping the love alive was on me and then theres the weed that was the start of the rift we agreed to stop i did i gave it up she didnt weed became her comfort her way to numb her way to avoid emotions and closeness for me quitting meant growth meant building a future for her smoking meant staying stuck that was the divide she chose weed over growth weed over me weed over us and i hate her for it im tired of the self reflection i know where i fucked up i leaned too much on physical closeness instead of building the emotional bridge i pressured her when i didnt get what i wanted i huffed and sulked instead of softening and connecting thats on me i could have done more but she could have too she rarely suggested doing things together she didnt build the romance either she didnt reach out emotionally we both failed but i was still willing to fight she wasnt and now here i am i hate her for leaving i hate her for giving me false hope with those hugs and kisses when she left i hate her for telling me she loved me more than anyone else then walking away anyway you dont give up on someone you truly love not that easily ive been left surrounded by her things her clothes her decorations her reminders and i needed to move them i needed to make the flat feel like mine she got annoyed said it made things harder for her i get it she lost her home as well as the relationship but im still here in the flat we shared drowning in reminders every day i couldnt breathe with her stuff everywhere i needed to reclaim my space the truth is i loved her flaws and all i wasnt attracted to her at first we were really good friends at first but once i gave her a chance i fell hard i loved her imperfections and now shes gone and im left trying to heal trying to journal trying to work out trying to be better i know how she wanted to be loved i didnt give it enough but she didnt either im going to learn though not for her but for me and for whoever comes next because i know i was willing i know i could have grown and i know she wasnt so yeah i hate her for leaving i hate her for giving up but i also know this im healing slowly painfully honestly ill carry the lessons forward and ill come out stronger
Last updated on:2025-09-03T18:15:04+05:30
Comments (2)
i felt that stomach drop too when his name popped up. even a simple text about his stuff left me shaky. i wanted to scream at how unfair it was, me giving and him not meeting me. it’s ok you’re angry. i was too.
this felt like my own breakup. i begged too, planned too, carried it all while she sat back. she left saying i wasn’t enough when she was the one who stopped trying. i hated her for smoking every night while i tried to change my life. i still hate her sometimes.