I’d like to explain my relationship and get some opinions. We had been talking for a year and we were really close — I was the only one he talked to, and it was the same for me. We spoke every day, but our relationship had a lot of conflicts. I knew what I wanted to be with him, but he wasn’t sure and was scared because he’s avoidant. He’s scared of commitment and of having feelings, since that’s exactly how avoidants think — they’re afraid. He felt like I was asking too much from him, when in reality I just wanted to be loved equally. But he saw it as me trying to start conflict, while I only wanted him to be clear and honest about his feelings.
Over the year, I stopped talking to him several times, but we always ended up reconnecting — usually because I went back to him. And whenever I did, he’d make it clear that he missed me and thought about me all the time. He even told me that he couldn’t find any flaws in me, and that over time he started to understand what I was asking for, and realized it was normal.
I managed to cut ties with him for good 13 days ago, but now I don’t know what to do. If I go back, I’ll fall into the same toxic pattern. But I also know he would never reject me, because in that whole year he never wanted to stop talking to me or cut me off. he’s really attached to me, he made it quite clear. What should I do?
Last updated on:2025-09-06T07:01:02+05:30
Comments (9)
it sounds like you already know the pattern. you leave you miss him you go back he says he misses you, then the same fights start again. i did the same cycle for months. it never changed.
i used to just want him to love me the way i loved him, but he couldn’t. i’d sit there thinking maybe if i explain it different he’ll finally get it. it hurts to want something so simple and not get it.
this is exactly how i feel… i’ve done everything correctly for him to love me but somehow he couldn’t do it properly it hurts
i kept going back too. every time i left i swore it was the last. then he’d say some sweet shit and i’d fold. i hated myself for it. it felt like i was addicted to crumbs.
I'm in the same situation. My ex is also avoidant. We've been together for 1.5 years. He broke up with me twice during that time but always stayed open to communication. I gave it some time and space but after 2 weeks I couldn't deal with the silence anymore, I went back to him and he took me back with open arms...
But I am so tired of this pattern. He broke up with me again. This time I am doing everything in my power to not react out.
You know what they say: You can't keep doing the same thing again and again and expect a different result.
Let him come to you and be prepared that it might take some time. I am on day 4 of no contact and got the first ridiculous breadcrumb from him yesterday... But it just felt disrespectful. Let him feel the loss. Because right now he still expects you to come back to him. But you need to break the pattern.
this !!! exactly i need to break the pattern because he’s for SURE expecting that i’ll break no contact again.
@moonlights Yes, unfortunately we "trained" them that way. They know very well, that they just have to lean back and wait for us to reach out. But at some point, once enough days/weeks have passed, they will question if we ever will come back. No one can say when exactly this will happen, but I will.
continue being no contact. give it more time.
okay, thank you so much <3