went way too far

this feels like how i was, scrambling for any crack of info. every call or message reset everything, like starting from zero again.

i did the same with my ex’s best friend, asking questions i already knew would hurt. shame felt worse than the breakup itself. it’s just what pain made me do.

i once blew up his phone then messaged his cousin too. felt sick after, like i’d handed him proof i was pathetic. i hated myself for it.

i caused a fight just to get a response
... we do stupid things when we are in love but we have to remember the pain we feel right now the next time we get the urge to contact again. the urges will get easier, we just need to tough out the hard first little while. ive been doing anything to keep my hands busy. away from social media, if it gets real bad, i leave my phone away from me. coloring, word searches, writting in a journal, writting a letter to them but dont give it to them. dont be ashamed. i think most of us break down once or twice before being successful. its a learning process but weve had other heartbreaks we never thought we would survive and now I look at them and have no idea what I was thinking. it will be the same eventually, just have to give it time and learn to love yourself again to know that you deserve way better.