so 115 days no contact. I still break down from time to time, some triggers come out of no where. she still pops into my dreams from time to time. and I still miss her. some days are easier especially if I stay busy. but some days just feel like too much. im back to doing my homestead, got my old job back care taking, even been hanging around soneone new that treats me well and makes me smile. but she's still on my mind from time to time. I still hear things about her and all I can think is really? ur hanging around my friends that I introduced u to, uv been going to events with someone I considered a close friend, and uv just spiraled into more drugs. why? was the stability, love, and home that I provided not better than snorting shit up ur nose and fucking anyone u can? and knowing all this why do I still feel the urge to check on u, and care about what ur doing? whats wrong with me?
idk, just keep on working on me and bettering my life and building my future. ur not coming back and it wouldnt be healthy if u did. I just still feel like I was not enough.
Last updated on:2025-09-10T07:59:19+05:30
Comments (9)
115 days sounds like you are pushing forward, filling time with work land new company. but the old feelings still bleed through when u hears about her. it’s like progress and grief happening at the same time.
i remember those random triggers, one song or seeing her name somewhere and i’d just crash. i thought i was doing okay, then the missing hit again. nothing’s wrong with you. it’s just love not turning off when you want it to.
i used to spiral the same way. i’d hear she was with people i brought into her life and i’d lose it. made me feel like all the love i gave was a joke. i hated her for wasting what i gave and still caught myself checking on her like some addict.
i can tell you, my ex husband and I have been separated for 8 years. i know it sounds like forever but it took a few years to be ok. we have kids together and now we coparent and i can see him without feeling a thing. it will happen just stay strong.
thankfully her and I didnt have kiddos so we dont have to see each other. we both go to barter fairs tho and I've avoided most of them this year to avoid being that close to her yet
@GreenThumbRL its too soon, it took a few years for us to reach that point. your doing really good for how long its been, you should be proud of yourself
i cant even explain how much i relate to this post. you are doing fkn amazing ! ive never made it past day 5 of no contact. youve done the hardest part. youve got this. you deserve so much better. you were enough, they just chose the drugs instead of dealing with problems and drugs make them do dumb shit. let yourself be at peace, wether it be with someone else or alone. you are a trooper and I commend you for making it this far !
thanks. some days just hit harder than others. a fire broke out on edge of my homestead last nite and it just hit me all over again that im doing this without my partner of 7years/wife of 5years. never thought id be doing this without her
@GreenThumbRL its really hard to let go of what you thought would be forever. Stay strong you are doing great.