I was in a relationship with someone who treated me terribly emotionally mentally in every way. It felt like I was constantly begging him to care. I gave him everything gifts handwritten letters endless praise. He couldn’t even spend my birthday with me. Chose video games over me. Never gave anything back. He manipulated me into lending him money and every day with him felt like emotional torture.I knew I should’ve left but I couldn’t. I was in a dark place recovering from SA barely leaving the house and my dad had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. He felt like the only thread of stability even though he was the source of so much pain. When it finally ended I didn’t grieve I felt relief. I hated him so much by then that I was just glad to breathe again. That relationship taught me a lot: how to set boundaries how to stop giving more than I receive how to protct my peace.But now a year later I feel hollow. I find flaws in everyone. The idea of opening up again makes me sick. I’ve lost faith in love. I don’t believe anyone could care about me beyond my looks and I’m insecure about those too.
I used to believe in deep connection. I used to think someone would love me the way I love others. But now I feel broken. I can’t imagine loving again or being loved back. As a former fat kid turned “mildly decent” romance was always hard to believe in. Now it feels impossible. Especially in a generation where detachment is the norm and no one seems to care deeply anymore.
I’mnot actively searching for love. I just wish I still believed it was possible. I wish someone would want to know me beyond appearances. Someone who’d be a friend first. I may have rambled but that’s where I’m at. I fear I’ve been broken and I don’t know how to feel whole again.
Last updated on:2025-09-11T20:55:03+05:30
Comments (5)
it sounds like you’re holding two things at once. you know the relationship taught you how to protect yourself, but you also feel like it cost you your faith in connection. that back and forth is exactly what i lived through after mine ended.
i can feel this 100%. i was single for 6 years before this idiot. it takes time but when its meant to happen, it will and that person will wash all your insecurities away. theres nothing wrong with having high expectations either after being treated so bad but if someone cares for you enough, they will understand that and will want to help you. it will come when you least expect it, until then, enjoy the single life and learn how to love yourself ❤️
i remember that emptiness after the relief wore off. i wanted to believe in love again but my body just said no. it’s not weird to feel broken when someone took advantage of you while you were already hurting. i carried that same fear of never being seen for more than how i looked.
i felt that same rot. gave everything, got scraps back. when it ended i didn’t cry, i spat his name like it was poison. later though, dating felt pointless. every guy looked fake to me. i stopped believing any of them could care the way i once did.
don't rush the healing process take it slow