Dear Clark,
Today was another long day for me. I spent most of it volunteering again, this time assigned to handle the inventory of donations. I know you would have teased me for it, saying I was being "OC" again with my lists and checks. I could almost hear your laugh in my head while I worked. It's funny how even the smallest tasks remind me of you, and how much of me you once knew so well.
After the work was done, my co-volunteers invited me to the park. The fresh air, the laughter, the sight of kids running around, it made me realize life still has little things to offer, even if my heart still feels heavy sometimes. Afterward, we had dinner together, and though it wasn't anything special, it felt warm to share a meal after such a long day.
But Clark, the truth is, underneath the tiredness, I'm scared. Tomorrow, I'll be going back to the hospital to get my lab results. I've been dizzy for five days straight now, and even though I try not to let my thoughts run wild, I can't help but fear what the diagnosis will say. If you were here, you'd be the one calming me down. I miss that comfort. I miss you.
And after the hospital, I'll have therapy in the afternoon. That's another battle in itself, one where I have to sit, open up, and face all the things I've been carrying. It helps, but it's exhausting too. I wish I could just curl up in your arms afterward, let myself cry a little, and hear you say, "It's okay, Baby, you're doing so well."
Clark, it's been two months since our last date, but the memories are still so fresh. I wonder if you even think about me anymore. Maybe you don't. Maybe you've moved forward already, while I'm still here, stuck between missing you and trying to heal. But I still write to you because in some way, it helps me feel less alone.
If you were here tonight, I'd tell you how much I love you still. I'd thank you for all the times you took care of me, for every moment you made me feel safe. Even if we're no longer together, even if I'm left to walk this path without you, I want you to know I carry that love with me still.
Always,
Alyssa (Phineas, Arlo, Fifi, and Mang)
Last updated on:2025-09-12T20:34:46+05:30
Comments (4)
I had a long day at work commuting and got stock on a train for 3 hours and just wanted a message. to see him after that long day, and hug me tell me everything is okay. Hear me about how horrible my boss was and listen about his day while he took me home. I miss seeing him after a long day, he really brightened my day
you noticed small stuff today lists and kids in the park and a warm meal that tiny thread of normal shows you’re still here even if it hurts.
i sat in a hospital waiting room once hands shaking, thinking about how i'd want the same hug you described therapy wiped me out but that warm dinner after felt like a tiny patch of normal. it's okay Baby you're doing so well i wanted that voice too.
i kept refreshing his profile like it was a reflex followed then unfollowed like an idiot blocking felt like erasing myself but not blocking felt like letting him squat in my head.