Has anyone dated an avoidant? What is your experience after the breakup?
Last updated on:2025-09-15T05:29:57+05:30
Avoidants and Anxious
Has anyone dated an avoidant? What is your experience after the breakup?
Last updated on:2025-09-15T05:29:57+05:30
Comments (13)
you’re trying to figure out why it ended, that’s normal. people who date avoidants often stay stuck on the push pull even after it’s over
i was with someone avoidant too, it hurt so much not feeling seen, after we broke up i just felt empty and confused for a long time, it took forever to stop replaying things in my head
How long has it been for u? And how long was the relationship?
yeah i dated one, felt like i was chasing a ghost for months, even after it ended i kept thinking maybe i did something wrong, it fucked me up
Me too. They never give us the closure we need.
I just broke up with my avoidant, but I went through many breakups that he did. he ghosted me blocked me for three months and i had to sit with my pain i cried for weeks. but the day i let him go i started to feel happy again and the day after he came back ,this time he was had precence and talked like he actually understand that he is the one who sabotage the relationship,we had 2 very nice days ,iand 3days fight then he blocked me again and after two months i just ran into him. and we got back and the same thing but this time he actually broke up with me instead of blocking me, and i messege him after a week of silence that i just want to know that you mean the breakup because im going on a date today, not because i have any interest in him but I need to try to move on from you. then he got mad blocked me and after three days he contacted me and wanted to fight for this relationship. 5 great days than the same and now i got blocked and unblocked again so for a week ago i ended it with him. and I just let him go because i cant be in this cycle any more i got physicly sick from it, so if he contact me I don't know what to do, i love him but I don't want this pain anymore its very painful
I totally understand. Mine came back after 4 days. Then blocked me 2 days after. Then unblocked me in a week but didn't contact me. I did, but he pushed me away. He knew its a cycle and he wants to end it. But all i want was a closure. He ended it like i was nothing to him.
yes. my ex is an avoidant. After he broke up with me I only saw him once two weeks after the break up in person. He was vulnerable, loving and caring, but said he couldn’t continue and that he was broken. After that I, the anxious tried to maintain contact and he went cold and distant through the phone. His actions show he cared cuz he never blocked me and when something big happened he reached out or replied back. But just did not want to talk to me. And has said he wants to move on. I know he is hurting, and he needs his space. So it’s hard for me to not be in contact with him but, I love him and if this is what he wants and needs. I have to give it to him. I know deep down he cares, but it’s his defense mechanism to not tell me how he feels. To be cold and distant, so he won’t give me hopes. But yupe. Sometimes when we were in contact and he just kept pushing me away, I barely recognized the person I fell for. So atm I had to opt in for no contact. Because if he wants to be with me he has my phone number. He is not blocked. He knows where I lived. He knows my schedule. He knows evertything. and if he wanted to reach out, he would.
The thing about avoidant is that they don’t know how to communicate and regulate their feelings in partnership. I think that’s my learning from this outcome. And as a anxious person, being far away is the worst feeling when you only want closeness. I am a hopeless romantic and still carry hope that one day he’ll want to work things out and be together. But in this instant of time, I can’t talk to him. He will only perceive it as me trying to force something, because he is not ready to face his own feelings. He will do everything and anything to avoid feeling or facing his fear. And honestly if he never does it, it probably is not good to be with someone who can’t face their own feelings, nevertheless express them to me… Hope this helps :(
Exactly what's happening to me. How long has it been for u?
@Minty he broke up with me two months ago. We’ve only been no contact 6 days. Those two months were between his cold and distant, and like 3 out of 10 times a little like he used to be :(
yes, it's painful since he is an avoid any. the thing that I did is to focus more on myself even if I don't wanna get up, I throw up but encourage myself to eat just to survive and right now I'm healing
I have never been in love this deep with someone. And never been in this confusion too. Throughout our relationship i didn't understand how his mind work at all. But i was so in love. And now he left me, avoid me at all cost. He told me he stopped loving me but ik hes just avoiding his emotion. I'm trying to move on too and healing. But i broke my no contact last night.
@Minty it's okay, you can always start your day 1. please promise yourself you will prioritize your well being and do not chase him. you deserve someone who will choose you everyday and will never stop loving you even if the situation is hard.