Dear Clark,
Today brought me through a swirl of emotions I didn't quite see coming, and as I sit here tonight, I felt like I wanted to share it with you, even if only in the quiet of this letter.
I ran into an old classmate today, someone from way back in Grade 2. It felt almost surreal. She invited me to lunch, and I said yes. We laughed, caught up on life, and for that short while, I felt lighter. But when she had to leave for work, I was left on my own again.
After that, I walked to the park, hoping the air and the trees could calm me down. For a while, they did. The park was alive. I felt like I was watching a movie, just a quiet observer, unseen and unneeded.
I did groceries too. It had been two weeks since I last stocked up. Coming home, I arranged everything neatly. I took a bath, then tried to watch a kdrama, but instead found myself scrolling on my phone. That's when I saw it, you had reactivated your Facebook.
It was such a simple thing, Clark. Just an account. But for me, it stirred so much inside. I felt anxious, almost panicked. Because you had blocked me, I knew I wouldn't see you. It hit me again that I no longer belong in your world. It hurts, Clark.
I tried to tell myself it's okay. That you are your own person. That you can choose what you want to do, where you want to be, and who you want to share your life with. I repeated those words until they sank in, but the ache still lingered.
I distracted myself with TikTok, then had dinner, washed the dishes, and now, here I am, writing to you. I know you'll never read these words but still, I write them because some part of me needs to.
Today reminded me how much I still carry you with me. In my thoughts, in the way small things can trigger deep feelings. But it also reminded me that life keeps moving, even when it hurts. I hope, wherever you are, you are doing well, finding peace in your own ways.
Always,
Alyssa (Phineas, Arlo, Fifi, and Mang)
Last updated on:2025-09-17T05:09:02+05:30
Comments (3)
what part of today felt the tiniest bit lighter the lunch the park or just arranging your groceries? curious which small thing held you steady.
when i get hit by tiny triggers i do one tiny ritual put my phone away make tea and write one sentence to them i’ll never send. it grounds me enough to breathe. you don’t have to rush feeling okay. ❤️
ugh this hurt to read i feel this in my bones. i had a day like that after my ex reappeared online all the small things hit me at once. i tried to act fine in public then sobbed into my pillow later. 😭