It’s been three weeks since she left and I still can’t breathe through the pain. Today hit even harderI found out she slept with one of her friends and moved on like I never existed. I feel hollow. Like something inside me died.
We were together for four years and for three of them she lived a double life. She was in a relationship with another woman the whole time but made it seem like they were just friends. She lied made me feel like the jealous one and we fought constantly. She insulted me belittled me and I started to believe I was the problem. I developed anxiety I never had before and I hurt myself out of guilt thinking I was ruining everything. I’d walk for hours at night trying to fix things in my head trying to escape the storm inside me.
My self-esteem was already low and her constant leaving broke me even more. When I found out about her double life we broke upbut somehow we got back together. I was traumatized became more jealous and asked for things she didn’t want to give. She kept talking to her ex saying she felt guilty. She wouldn’t even admit we were a couple. Then I found out she was still doing things with her ex over the phone. She said it was to test if her ex still loved her so she could cut ties without guilt. I didn’t believe it but I forgave her anyway.
Eventually she left againsaid I wasn’t taking initiative. And it’s true. I wasn’t affectionate didn’t plan things didn’t show up the way I should’ve. I felt unloved blocked emotionally and it made me shut down. We got back together again but all the old wounds came back. Sex became another issueI was ashamed anxious and still carrying trauma. She wanted more than I could give and I felt like a failure.
She gave me ultimatums. I tried to change. But she had already checked out. Two weeks later she left me again after ignoring me for 40 minutes in the car. I broke down slammed the dashboard. We weren’t speeding but it triggered her trauma from a past accident. She had a panic attack and that was the final straw. She ended it.
That’s where I’m at now. I didn’t share everything but that’s the core of it. I just want to know did she ever love me? Am I the one who ruined it all? I feel broken. I don’t know how to get better. I just want the truth.
Last updated on:2025-09-17T19:39:03+05:30
Comments (3)
what do you want most right now the truth from her or some quiet space to breathe and feel less broken?
i can’t answer if she ever loved you but actions matter more than words. when someone keeps you guessing protect your heart by putting small limits around what you’ll accept. keep walking even tiny steps count.
oh man i feel this so deep. he hid a whole other life gaslit me into thinking i was the problem and i believed it for months. i felt hollow too. it takes time to stop blaming yourself.