We were best friends for three years before dating for one. We broke up in June. He had feelings for me since year two of our friendship and pursued me consistently. At first I thought I’d found the right person. But as time went on I felt like I was the one putting in most of the effort. Whenever I brought it up he’d apologize and promise to do better.
His background is complicated He’s been smoking since 11th grade (he quit for me at first). He had a near death accident in January that shifted our dynamic. His family situation is messy his parents are separated his mom moved abroad with someone else. Before leaving she sold their house and told him You’re not even my child. His dad works abroad too and is only here temporarily for divorce proceedings. Soon he’ll be left with just his older brother.
After we broke up I tried hard to reconnect. But he said things that cut deep—I don’t love you anymore We’re not right for each other I just want to be irresponsible and smoke. Then he added You deserve better you’re an amazing girl.
A few weeks later when I stopped trying he came back. Said he’d been sober. Called me the ray of hope in his life. Said he’d fall at my feet to win me back. After two weeks of silence I agreed to talk and see where things go.
Now after his mom left and sold the house he’s developed what he calls gender prejudice. He says he can’t trust women anymore because they’re selfish and self-centered. But he insists I’m an exception. When I asked if I’d ever given him a reason not to trust me he said no—it’s just my scar.
I’m torn. Should I give him space to work on himself? Or is this cycle of breaking up and coming back too unhealthy to keep going?
I love him. But I’m exhausted. My own family isn’t great either. I carry a lot of trauma. And I don’t know if waiting is love or just hurting myself.
Last updated on:2025-09-25T01:16:02+05:30
Comments (3)
sounds like you’re carrying a LOT on top of his issues. giving him space is fine, but your mental health matters too. sometimes stepping back completely is the only way to see clearly.
You need to decide what it is you really want. Figure out what you will compromise on and what you will not. Then decide on whether it's worth fighting for. No one else can really say. Only you.
ugh i’ve been there 😭 my ex would do the same back-and-forth thing, and i ended up drained trying to fix him. it really messes with your own head and heart.