day 4

well, I made it to day 4. it's been a rollercoaster. Sometimes i feel happy and at peace because there's no chaos or stress, sometimes I miss him but I think it's because i'm not used to never being anxious. Being in love with a homeless drug addict is probably harder then being one. You can force them to get better, the more you try to help, the more you push them away. you try so hard to see the good in them but after 2 years, things have spiraled so much that i dont have alot of good except the memories from the beginning. i pushed him so much that i just became annoying to him and that hurt me even more. i felt stuck. if i gave up and something happened, how would i not feel like its my fault? i just finished reading the book "let them" and it changed my entire perspective. I miss him but you have to let adults be adult and in the mean time, I have to let myself be at peace and calm, not just for me but my 2 babies. As i write this, I'm very positive and calm but don't get it twisted, i do have overwhelming moments of hurt and anger and just being numb. im not used to not checking on him but he made his choices and if i keep enabling, he will never have to deal with consequences that in time will make him realize that something needs to change for the better. if its meant to be, it might happen one day, im not rushing into meeting anyone, just focusing on me and my kids. if it doesnt happen, atleast ill be happy with myself. never set expectations, thats how we get disappointments. the more i try to help, the more i push him towards addiction. now lets make it to day 5 :)

Last updated on:2025-09-29T18:43:03+05:30