I know I shouldn't cling onto to hope but that's what I have been doing for quite sometime now. When suddenly I begin to realise that she's gone, my mind begins to play games with me - it shows me examples of how couples have come back together etc etc.
Context: I had a 2.5 year relationship. At the 1 year mark, I broke up with her because she wasn't putting in any efforts. 2 months later I apologized and decided to try again. It went well for the next 1.5 years until she blindsided me in August. she came back about a month later but she was self-victimizing, I decided not to come back because I felt she was far from being able to forgive me and forget the past.
It's been 14 days of NC now. She's seeing another guy though it's not official yet and she's been doing things that are out of character - became a social butterfly, a heavy drinker etc.
Last updated on:2025-10-03T03:57:42+05:30
Comments (6)
do you feel like you’d actually want her back as she is right now? like with the drinking, social butterfly stuff, and the way she handled things… or is it more the version of her you still miss?
it's more the version with me honestly. but what do I do, It's the same person
what usually helps me in moments like that is reminding myself that even if couples do reunite, it’s usually because both actually changed. not just one person waiting in pain. i know it sucks, but putting the focus back on you gives your brain less room to spiral.
i get this so much. when my ex left, i kept searching for “reunion stories” online like proof that maybe we’d come back together. it was like my brain needed hope even if deep down i knew he was gone. that push-pull between hope and reality is exhausting
So what did you do for it? Also, my ex has started getting non-platonically close with one of our mutual friends. She was also his close friend before the breakup and I feel they might start dating?
my ex is an avoidant to. it’s really hard to figure out how to handle them depending on what stage of avoidance they are in. my therapist told me typically avoidant will de tach and move on so they don’t have to feel any pain. and that they almost always come back on their own but only when you sort of detach from them and stick to no contact. even if she’s seeing someone else form all the research I’ve done myself on trying to understand them, they normally only give the “new people” surface level things. it really takes time and effort to get genuine feelings from avoidant. so if you put in the work it’s gonna have a bond for her even if she isn’t showing it. I don’t wanna lose hope with mine but like I said, it’s hard because they can click their feelings off so easy