Today is the 32 day without contact. The morning anxiety has passed within 2 weeks, some days I thought "oh, finally I saw who he was and how cruel he was at the breakup, I didn't deserve being treated like that!". I literally thought that I was getting better, but since the beginning of this week I got the sadness again and blaming myself for everything like he was the perfect boyfriend. Even though I'm trying to get better taking care of my mental health with therapist, psychiatrist, going to MADA (in portuguese, in English is Women Who Love Too Much Anonymous) to treat my emotional dependence (if you think you have this try Google CoDA, they have a "test" for this and online meetings everyday; this helped me a lot mainly with the lolliness).
When he was breaking up with me it was by vc bc he was in his country, after the call ended I could do nothing from the distance; The scene keep going and going on my head and telling me everything he said ("the feedback") that I was unstable, manipulative and made him cry. Because my mind wants to redo this scene trying to get this solved (but it can't be solved...).
Besides this and the blame, I'm afraid of having this in futures relationships, of getting hurt again. I don't think I articulate the ideias very good, but I needed some venting. If you need venting, feel free to do it as well
Last updated on:2025-10-05T08:42:03+05:30
Comments (5)
when the blame spiral starts, do you usually notice a trigger? like certain times of day or places that bring it up? sometimes seeing the pattern makes it a little less heavy.
the back and forth in your head is normal. what helps me sometimes is reminding myself “both things can be true” — i had flaws AND i didn’t deserve cruelty. it takes the pressure off making it all black or white
I'll use this advice from now on, very very helpful. Thank you for sharing 🥹🙏🏻
my ex ended it on facetime. the way he listed all my “flaws” still replays in my head, like i need to defend myself even though it’s over. it’s brutal how our brain just won’t let that scene rest.
That's horrible.I gave him my feedback as well because I think the person who is "receiving" the breakup has the right to be sad and angry. But I'm emocional dependent and I tried to defend myself and saying things that bothered me on him bc I never said anything. One second after I said I already regret it and tried to remediated but he got a little angry and gave me feedbacks as well. The difference is that he knew about my mental issues and said things related to them. That's why I can't understand my mind just to focus on the good memories and try to erase the bad things.
Thanks for answering it ❤️🩹