Today is 101 but tonight I found out quite unexpectedly that my separated husband has boldly and loudly posted live videos about him wanting to sleep with people and lusting after them. It’s been almost 4 months that I have had a no contact order placed after an incident that compromised my safety but I am absolutely gut wrenched. I have began trauma therapy but my husband is still out there trying to party it up, apparently now sleep around and whatever else he is doing. We still have matching wedding band tattoos and that’s my husband. How do I just shut all the feelings off. We cannot file for a divorce after a year of separation but after all the abuse he put me through this just feels like a cruel intention knowing I would probably find it. He even kept his facial hair the way I liked it and again it feels like a stab at me because he said he only ever did it for me and I’m positive he is entertaining other women now. I put up with so much from that man with 4 years of giving him my life but this is just sheer pain. 101 of zero contact and that just threw me back about 30 days. I did start trauma therapy but this is something I felt retraumatized me all over again. I feel so bad and don’t know how I’m going to just swallow this so lightly 😭
Last updated on:2025-10-05T18:18:58+05:30
Comments (4)
have you found anything that helps you calm the wave when these triggers hit? like journaling or breathing exercises?
honestly I am still trying to figure that out, what helped me yesterday when I was having a therapy session was listening to her telling me to fact check my emotions, it’s a DBT skill and I came to the conclusion with her that the action word love wasn’t displayed when he made his choice. His choices were intentioned to hurt me and I needed to consider if I was going to allow myself to believe it was okay when it wasn’t. She did tell me as well that I have a classic trauma bond and my ex and I had codependency mixed into our relationships in different ways but start small, fact check=are the feelings valid to the event or are they reminiscent of something that happened and feels familiar. Always bring yourself to the present by mindfulness. I have anxiety, CPTSD and depression on top of this stuff so I am trying to get the most out of my sessions.
that gut-wrenching feeling is real. try grounding yourself in your therapy work and remember, his choices aren’t about you, even if it feels personal. your healing comes first.
ugh i’ve been there 😭 after my ex ghosted me, seeing him out living his life while i was still hurting hit me like a punch. it takes time, but it DOES get easier.