I was in a relationship with my ex for a year and a half and I truly believed we were going to get married. We shared everything intimacy holidays memories. In the beginning it felt perfect. We agreed on everything never argued and I thought I’d found my forever.
But slowly things started to unravel. It got bad. Then worse. We were both miserable trapped in something that had become toxic. We felt like we had no freedom and yet I couldn’t bring myself to leave. He was my entire world. He knew everything about me things I never even told my closest friends. I trusted him with my life. It was unhealthy but it was honest. We never lied to each other.
I remember one day I asked him to come over. There was a light storm but my dad said it wasn’t serious. Still he refused. It hurt because I always made the effort to see him always asked him to come. That moment spiraled into a huge argument and by the end of it he left me. It was the lowest I’ve ever felt. I cried for five hours straight. My face was covered in red marks. I didn’t know how to breathe through that kind of pain.
Even after the breakup we kept seeing each other at a weekly social event. We’d drift off from the group and spend time alone sharing intimate moments sometimes even more than that. I clung to it. Any attention he gave me felt like oxygen.
Then one week he told me I had to block him. He made me do it said it was my choice but I knew if I didn’t he would. It felt like he wanted to use it against me. I didn’t want to. I wanted to have a say in how things ended. But I didn’t get that. After that he blocked me on everything Snapchat Instagram Spotify Facebook even my number… and somehow even Airbuds?
It messed with me. Then I accidentally posted a TikTok on the wrong private story something about talking to an ex who didn’t want a relationship. His best friend messaged me saying I was dragging things out and that I was wrong. Now I know my ex hates me.
I saw him again at the social event. We didn’t speak. I saw him for barely two minutes but I was shaking and had to leave.
I miss him so much. It sounds crazy but he was the person I could talk to about anything. Even now when I learn something interesting I instinctively open Snapchat to tell him only to remember he’s not there. I still have him on Messenger even though he removed me on Facebook. Sometimes I type out messages I wish I could send… but I never do. They just sit there.
I’m still young. I’m not even an adult yet and this breakup has hit me harder than I ever imagined. It’s been two months. I got drunk at a party and felt okay for a few days but now I feel awful again. I feel like I’ll never find love again. I just want him back. I miss our naps together. I wanted some kind of contact but he’s gone.
And for the past five nights I’ve been dreaming about him. Every night. I don’t know how to move on. I just know I’m not okay.
Last updated on:2025-10-06T19:17:02+05:30
Comments (4)
the dreams, the urge to tell him little things, all of it. what helped me was journaling everything i wanted to say but couldn’t. it stopped eating me alive after a while. silence hurts, but it starts to heal too.
have you been able to talk to anyone about all this? like a close friend or someone who really listens without judging? sometimes just saying it out loud helps a little.
mine was kind of the same. we got into this dumb argument bc he was mad that I couldn't answer a question(it was about a sensitive topic and he was pushing me to choose an option but it's just impossible for me) then he just stopped responding all together all of the next day. and the day after that, I get a long message sayinge he's been unhappy and maybe we should break up. and immediately after I read it I began pleading with him to at least talk to me about it first, but nothing. I think guys like that, at least in my case, he wasn't entirely confident with himself and plus he had liked other girls too. and he only began dating me because I was the only one who was willing, but even then he kind of pressured me into it. we lasted a little over a year and we aren't adults yet either. it will get better, you just have to let the process happen, it'll take a while but it'll happen. I'm about 4 months NC and I've honestly never felt better. just give it time and you'll be okay.
my first love ended kind of like that too — so intense, so tangled. even when it got toxic, i couldn’t imagine life without him. it’s like losing your person and your safe space all at once. it broke me for months. you’re not crazy for missing him that hard.