Dated an avoidant guy for 6 months. We knew each other for 2 years. I thought by explaining his attachment style to him he'd change. He DID try. And wrote me poetry about him wanting to change for me because he wanted it to be me. For the first time in my life I actually envisioned marrying a man and bearing his children. In my eyes he was something women could only pray for like straight out of a romance novel.
We still had to go no-contact because he was apparently too busy with life and kept forgetting to text me. Also he got very sick and ended up in the hospital. He has a higher risk of strokes now which leaves him with daily panic attacks. I thought he needed a break and offered no-contact until he was better since he couldn't muster up any attention for me. We were being very loving when we departed. I focused on working on myself until we can be together again so I could be an even better version of myself for him.
However later I saw him liking posts about missing me but trying to move on and forget about me. Broke no-contact and asked him about this extremely upset. Our last words were I love you see you later what the fuck changed? And when was he gonna tell me that he was giving up on us?!
We spent hours arguing with each other. I kept begging him to please stop this. If he loves me and I love him why give up on us? He's in a bad medical situation and fears dying I get it. He said he'd hate dying on me. I tried finding all sorts of solutions...I tried reasuring him that his death wouldn't leave me in shambles that I can support him in any and every way he needs that Im fine with the little amount of attention he can muster up right now that he's just at a bad mental state right now and doesn't need to dump me... But he demanded me to let it go. I couldn't let go. I wanted to marry this guy one day god fucking damn it.
Once he made it official that he was breaking up but forever I got really mean. I said dating him has shown me that I was wrong to put my trust in him. That he couldn't possibly love me if he thinks breaking up forever is the better alternative. That he must think I'm not enough. And that dating him might possibly be the worst mistake of my life because I'll never be able to move on. That his whole avoidant game has left me needing to take my meds and go to therapy because his lack of communication always left me spiraling.
And then he said it. He deleted my number all of our pictures together and blocked me. He still loves me but he's confident that he doesn't want me back. What the fuck does that mean? If Im so picture perfect then how come he leaves? How am I supposed to move on now? Every day I wake up with a racing heart pains in my torso and shaking. Every beautiful memory of his that forces itself into my mind triggers me and makes me burst into tears and leaves me a sobbing mess.
Please tell me Im not alone in this. I don't want this to continue on anymore I will fail my college classes. I already lost weight from not eating. Fuck. I'm tempted to reach out in other ways again but I know its useless and won't let me heal anyways. What do I even do now?
Last updated on:2025-10-09T22:20:22+05:30
Comments (5)
been here. even have the poetry he wrote about me tattooed on me. now he’s just using his poetry to get girls on dating apps apparently. I used to do all of this above. we’re anxious attached they avoid. it’s typical narcissistic behavior. he cried to me once because he said he wanted to be buried next to me. I was given a till death ring carved from a pearl. this man was mine. I was his. forever. pshhhh jokes on me. I’m sorry but this sounds a lot like narcissism to me. :( there’s so many out there just lovebombing the hell out of good people just to do it these days. I’m sorry
ive been through something very similar. it's shit but I promise no contact, block him, choose yourself. I gave my guy 3 chances, he was the same. And finally he said he couldnt, he tried but he couldnt. I blocked him almost 4 weeks ago feeling empty since then. sadness is smaller and smaller though, weeks 2 and 3 were a nightmare. today is better. dont take the way he treated you on yourself. he showed what he is, it's not love. Love is when someone truly cares about you and shows you they want you happy. you dont want to be with someone who makes you feel miserable. it's not love. it will be hard but try to forget about him, move on.
when you think about missing him, do you miss him or how safe and seen you felt when things were good? sometimes that part hurts the most to lose.
don’t reach out again. i know every part of you wants closure or one last talk, but it’ll just reopen the wound. let the silence be ugly for now it’s where the healing starts, even if it feels unbearable.
i dated someone avoidant too and i swear it felt like loving a ghost. he’d show me poems, talk about forever, then vanish when i needed him most. that push-pull messes with your head so bad