I met her a long time ago her best friend is one of my closest friends. I always thought she was beautiful curly hair green eyes tan skin… just stunning in every way.
After finishing my master’s abroad I returned home and took her out for dinner. It went perfectly we laughed talked effortlessly and everything just clicked. From that moment on I was hooked.. This past Sunday she broke up with me. And yesterday I cried harder than I ever have in my life.
I try to act like I’m okay but the truth is I completely broke down. Strangely enough part of me thinks maybe this is for the best. I used to compare her a lot not because I didn’t love her but because I genuinely don’t think I know how to love properly.
She’s an incredible person. Any guy would be lucky to have her. But once we were officially together it’s like my mind relaxed and stopped feeling the same intensity. I’d catch myself imagining other women not real people just made up scenarios with traits I thought were better. It wasn’t about cheating it was just… intrusive thoughts. I prayed for clarity for guidance but the thoughts never stopped.
She used to tell me she wished I showed more initiative planned trips surprised her with flowers took her out more often. I did those things but not consistently. And this past Sunday she said I think I love you more than you love me. That shattered me. Because deep down I think she was right. And I hate that. I wanted to love her with everything I had… but something held me back and I don’t know why.
Now I miss her terribly. She’s everywhere in the gifts the photos the paintings the trips we took. Two years of memories and everything reminds me of her.
It hurts to think this might be the right decision. Because all I want to do is reach out call her text her. But I know I probably shouldn’t.
Last updated on:2025-10-08T18:50:04+05:30
Comments (4)
you’re grieving both her and the version of love you wish you could’ve given. don’t rush clarity. sometimes you have to sit in the guilt and confusion before the “why” makes sense.
but do u know why she broke up with you. did she breakup because she believed u don’t love her enough? to be fair think no contact would do you good to work on yourself and see what u really want cause it seems that u really want to love her but dont and love can’t be forced. going no contact doesn’t mean u can’t reach out to her later. but to the fair to her and yourself u should use the time and figure out what u truly want only them can u be really happy in a relationship
do you think those intrusive thoughts were about her not being enough… or about you not feeling ready for that level of love yet?
i went through something kinda similar. i loved my ex so much but it’s like my mind wouldn’t let me feel it fully once we were actually together. i kept questioning myself too. it’s brutal when you lose someone good and still can’t explain why.