Our relationship ended about two years ago. It was the first love for both of us. She initiated the breakup but wanted to stay friends. I agreed though for different reasons. Deep down I was clinging to the hope that things would return to how they were. But she was already moving on and that realization devastated me. I cut her off completely and let anger take over that’s how I coped. Eventually the anger faded and I felt guilty for how harsh I’d been.
Now she’s studying abroad while I’m still here feeling stuck and ashamed of where I am. She’s reached out a few times always kind and warm but I’ve turned her down every time. At first it was out of resentment. Now it’s shame. Despite everything she still tries to stay in touch even though I haven’t always treated her kindly.
Today when I told her again that I didn’t want to talk she paused for a moment before ending the call. All she said was Thank you for not being angry. That hit me hard. She still speaks with the same cheerful tone as before but I keep my distance.
Lately I’ve been afraid to get close to anyone. My career should be my focus and I know how easily loneliness can make me attach to someone. I worry that reconnecting with her would open the floodgates. She’s in a new place now meeting new people maybe even dating. I don’t feel overwhelmingly sad but there’s a part of me that does… and that part feels heavy.
Last updated on:2025-10-17T17:05:04+05:30
Comments (3)
have you thought about writing down what you feel before calls? sometimes seeing it on paper helps untangle the heaviness a bit
it’s okay to protect yourself. focusing on your career and boundaries doesn’t make you cold, it just means you’re healing at your own pace
i went through the same with my first love—cut contact out of anger and guilt later hit me hard