Back to square one

Author

This week has been so emotionally exhausting. The court case concluded.
Yesterday we met to do doggy handover and for the first time in weeks we spoke.
I broke down and told him everything that has been going on with my troubled son. Sincr returning home I have been unable to stop myself from crying. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.
I miss him and care about him still, despite everything that he has done to me over the last few months. I feel like I am back to square one- I wish these feelings would go away so that I can heal 😭

Last updated on:2025-11-03T01:12:23+05:30

Comments (11)

softheart
softheart 4 mths ago

when you saw him, did it feel like you wanted him back… or more like you just missed how things used to feel between you two? sometimes that difference says a lot about where we actually are in healing.

Its0me0not0U
Its0me0not0U 4 mths ago

when I saw him and we talked it felt like nothing had happened between us. I looked at him and it’s like talking to a new version of him. He looked different but in some ways is still the same person. I accept there is no turning back- I would never trust him. I couldn’t live without having 100% trust. I still care for him and wish I could switch these feelings off.

Unhealed
Unhealed 4 mths ago

I feel that way too, like my heart is still breaking after 6 months. I'm tired of being depressed! The thought of starting over at my age is overwhelming. Maybe I'm just meant to be alone for the rest of my life.

Its0me0not0U
Its0me0not0U 4 mths ago

I agree with all you have commented. I am 38 and the thought of starting again is scary. I think this whole experience will put me off relationships for a very long time. I have never felt so depressed. I know things will get better with time. I’ve had relationships in the past that have ended and I’ve healed. I really thought this person really was the one and that is why I feel so confused. we never argued, we talked, we enjoyed each others company.. there was mutual respect and trust. I am questioning what is wrong with me- am I not cut out to be in a relationship.

Unhealed
Unhealed 4 mths ago

@Its0me0not0U I feel the exact same way! I thought he was my forever person. We never fought either. We got along well. I'm tired of being depressed, but I know it's going to be a long time before I'm ready to date again. My ex has already moved on with someone else. We were together for 7 years. Two months after we broke up, he already introduced his new person to his family. I've had plenty of relationships, so I know that eventually I'll get past this, but it sure hurts in the meantime.

JoyfulHome897
JoyfulHome897 4 mths ago

You'll heal with time

JoyfulHome897
JoyfulHome897 4 mths ago

Always allow yourself to feel everything

Maleego
Maleego 4 mths ago

seeing them again always stirs everything up. it’s okay that you’re feeling like this it doesn’t mean you’ve gone backwards. it’s just part of the process. give yourself a few quiet days to cry and breathe before deciding what “healing” looks like next

WildSun457
WildSun457 4 mths ago

sending hugs and healing vibes. ✨✨✨

brokenInside
brokenInside 4 mths ago

after my breakup, i had to see my ex to exchange our cat and it wrecked me all over again. you think you’re doing okay, then one small moment with them pulls you straight back into the mess. it’s brutal

CozyMate819
CozyMate819 4 mths ago

But love hurts💔😭