I cried today for maybe an hour or two and I sat with my feelings. I didn’t cry because I missed him, I cried from all the hurtful things he did to me. I cried for myself and what I allowed him to do. I cried for all the shady weird things he did and said when I was the most vulnerable. I cried for staying so long. I cried for the version of myself that was willing to look past the disrespect because I wanted to feel loved, like I actually mattered to someone. I cried for little me and the for the way I craved the love I never got growing up. I cried for the teenager who was never good enough and was always abandoned or picked last. I cried for all the versions of me that were willing to accept the smallest of breadcrumbs just to feel like I mattered. I cried for me and I cried out of anger. I cried out of embarrassed and the things I was willing to do to make him stay. I cried for the times I was submissive and wiling to say yes becuase I was scared my no was going to push him away. I cried for the times I stayed quiet and cried alone because I didn’t wanna make him uncomfortable. I cried for the old version of me because I know no one is ever going to have access to me like that again. I cried for the version of me who was loving and forgiving. But most importantly I cried for me now acknowledging how strong I was. I cried while forgiving myself for surviving the only way I knew how. I’m crying for me now, not for him. Never again will I cry about him.
Last updated on:2025-11-07T06:30:44+05:30
Comments (11)
and this is the way we grow. I am SO entirely proud of you, and hope you do better. you deserve so much more than anyone has ever given you, it takes time, but the time will come. My grandma used to tell me when you think you want something you don't realize isn't good for you, the white rabbit shows because "all paths lead to Rome". I hope you get the best that there is, rooting for you!!
Your first line hit me 🥹. You've got this and we're right here with you x
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹💜
the way you talked about forgiving yourself hit me hard. what was that moment like when you realized you weren’t crying for him anymore, but for you?
Me too, well said
Dear friend. I read your post. You sound like me. I am heartbroken beacause the man i wanted to marry and start a family with, never existed. He did his best to seem like the greatest man and was kind and helpful but I only was in a relationship with be beacause he wanted control and attention. He was gaslighting me, manipulative and love bomb me with trips and flowers when I got that feeling , intuition that something was off, and strange. The only person that matter, was him. He couldnt stop talking about himself everyday. He mirrored my dreams, wants, even my childhood and cried but when I was sad or upset he couldnt stop smiling beacause he knew he had control over me. He said that things never happend and called me mentally ill. He was my coworker and it got to a point that I was loosing my hair, had problems with my memory and consentation beacause of him. He was so good at answer questions like it semed ok. He always new the answers before the questions. He not only fooled me, but also our boss, coworkers and clients. He found out he had a record of stealing money from clients in the psyciatric care were we worked and stealed money from our coworker at one time.
I understand that you are sad, so I am , but understand that they will never be happy. They do this to other people and will do the same to next girl ultil she also get that gut feel that something is wrong. His workplace with notice it to, trust me. That brings me some peace that I could give him all he ever wanted and give him love, but he is a sick man. So are yours. The will never have a deep healthy relationsship with anyone beacause all of it is a mask, a fasad, they have dubbel lifes beacause they need attention all the time. My boyfriend withheld intimacy as a control and I discovered that he had profiles on anonymus sex sites.. trust me you dont need this in your life.
this kind of crying is healing, even if it feels brutal. i used to think breaking down meant i was going backwards, but turns out it’s just your body letting go of what you carried too long. don’t rush to stop it. let it all move through you.
Does that tears made you strong? Few ppl cry few of us here struggling few of us have support to share and few of us come here to share. You are not alone. I am going through a toxic and bitter relationship too. My heart says to go back and talk and my brain says No. Because there is nothing above than our self respect. So if you were disrespected.. If you tried ur best to save relationship.. Then you have done yor part. Few people come to our life for lesson. You have learnt yours and wil male a wise decision in future.
i remember crying like that too not for him, but for me. for the girl who tolerated too much just to not be left again. it’s such a heavy kind of grief, but also weirdly freeing when you realize the tears aren’t about them anymore. you’re finally mourning yourself back to life.
I felt this to my core 🥺❤️ you are so strong and should be proud of yourself for healing ❤️🩹
thank you so much 🥺I know it’s only the beginning of my healing journey but I’m proud of myself for this. I hope for both of us to heal a little more with each passing day