He denied me intimacy for most of our relationship. The few times we did have sex it was only after I pushed for it and even then he struggled to perform. Eventually he started seeing strippers and later prostitutes. I caught him the first time but he lied and said a coworker had borrowed his phone. Still thousands were missing from our shared account and he admitted to getting lap dances. I spent a year doubting my own instincts feeling like I was losing my mind.
He told me I was too insecure that’s why he wasn’t attracted to me. I put a tracker in his car and when he found it he accused me of being controlling and insisted he wasn’t cheating. But he did cheat with a prostitute and then came home and slept with me. He claimed he showered in between but I know it was that same night. We rarely had sex and that was one of the few times it felt good in years.
Despite everything I didn’t leave. I don’t even know why. We’ve shared so much history and I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic. I’ve made mistakes too I cheated on him once and he knows about it. That’s where the guilt creeps in and makes me wonder if I somehow caused all this. Maybe it’s easier to accept that they weren’t emotional affairs but it still disgusts me that he actively searched and planned to pay for sex especially as a married man with a loving willing wife at home.
I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get from sharing this. I just needed to let it out. I feel broken.
Last updated on:2025-11-06T17:52:02+05:30
Comments (4)
my last conversation I was saying I'm a good person! like so stupid trying to convince him of my worth! ugh not my finest moment- I just wanted him to love me
you said you feel broken… do you think it’s more from the betrayal itself, or from how long you had to question your own reality before finding the truth?
i don’t think you caused any of that. cheating with a prostitute isn’t about you, it’s about his own emptiness. what helped me was separating my guilt from his choices. takes time, but it’s worth it.
my ex used to reject me too, said i was too much then turned around and slept with someone else. that kind of rejection hits deep because it’s not just about sex, it’s about being unwanted by the person you loved most. i remember feeling dirty and confused, trying to make sense of something that didn’t make sense. you’re not crazy for staying. sometimes love blinds you in ways logic never can