So my ex (D) messaged me (not the recent one (R) who I still love) saying all this stuff about R... trying to rub it in my face that I know how to pick bad ones etc.. it didn't hurt what D was saying to me but it did anger me that he would bad mouth R that way... plus I'd been trying to push R to the back of my mind as its been 36 days no contact and I've been fighting so hard to give him space...
My BPD has been erratic wanting to hate R but I dont want to do that because I know it could ruin any possible future.. and I want to better myself so if there is a future with him that I can do better... for the both of us.. following all this I had a nightmare about R last night and woke up in a sweat with tears down my face..I was breathing so fast and my heart was twisting inside me I felt sick...
I rolled over and grabbed my phone almost ringing him until I stopped myself.. 1) it was 5am in the morning.. and 2) I didnt want to push myself onto him just because I had a nightmare about him... I resisted.. but I am worried something could have happened to him... it worries me..
I was tempted to message his sister but have also resisted doing this aswell... its getting easier but in some moments its so hard..
Last updated on:2025-11-07T23:33:02+05:30
Comments (3)
when you get those sudden rushes like the nightmare or the urge to check on him what usually helps calm you down enough to stay in control?
those waves come and go. sometimes the best thing you can do is just sit through them without reacting. i used to write a text in my notes app instead of sending it helped me breathe through the urge.
my ex used to reach out just to stir things up when i was finally getting some peace. and that feeling of missing someone so bad you almost break no contact? yeah. i’ve been there, pacing the floor at 3am with my heart in my throat. it’s wild how love and anxiety get tangled like that. you did the right thing by not reaching out though. that’s strength, even when it doesn’t feel like it.