idk anymore

you guys, earlier, I met up with my old friends from elementary. And you know, back when I was still with my ex , I barely saw them anymore. I was always busy, and a lot of that was because of him. While I was talking to my friends earlier about what's happening to me,and what happened with my last rs, I almost cried. I don’t know, the feelings just came back. But I’m also thankful in a way. Because of the breakup, I had time for them again. I got to see them, talk to them, laugh with them. I’m trying to look at the bright side of everything. But the questions in my head don’t leave me. Especially at night. I keep thinking, what went wrong? Why did things change? Why didn’t he try anymore? Maybe it’s me. Maybe he got tired. Maybe he found someone new. But I just feel like… when you really love someone, even if you’re tired, you still try. You fix things. You don’t just stop.So maybe he didn’t really love me the way he said he did. For two years I believed everything he told me. But now I don’t even know anymore.I hate the silence between us. I hate not knowing anything. I want answers. I want to understand what happened. I don’t want to be left wondering. It hurts. It really hurts. It feels like everything we had meant nothing to him.

And yes, I was the one who walked away first. But I walked away because I was hurt. I was angry because of something he did. And then instead of talking to me, apologizing, or at least explaining… he just disappeared. No sorry. No explanation. Nothing. As if we were nothing. And that’s what hurts the most. Sometimes I really feel okay. Sometimes I’m happy. But there are moments like this when it hits me again. And I still get hurt. Even though he’s the one who did me wrong. It should be him feeling this, not me, isnxhsusjsjsiajsjs I HATE IT SO MUCHH