I broke it off with my fiance, we had been together for 10yrs. He had an anger problem and our sex life has never been good. I have talked to him about both for years asking him to get help. he has had an outburst with everybody in the house even road rage to the point of pulling over ready to fight. The anger problems Definitely didnt help our sex life. Before I decide to call it quits I again asked him to get some help and what it was doing to me. and he never ever tried. After all these years he didnt try once to even attempt to get help. So I figured maybe us being apart will make him want to get some help because I have tried the separate room, talking about it even making changes with myself etc he has done nothing but take my forgiveness and stomp on it every time. but him getting himself together so we could be back as one he decided to get another girl and start sleeping with her and said it was my fault that he got another girl because he said he didnt want a break. and right then I felt in my heart I wanted him back but then I thought about it I only want him back because hes with someone else and not because he has changed or is getting help so hes the same old angry person deep down so why would I want tht heaviness of tht darkness again??? Why do every time I thk about him with somebody else my stomach gets queasy and I cant rest??
HELP!
Last updated on:2025-11-13T11:50:36+05:30
Comments (8)
do you think a part of you still wants closure or just hates that he gave up so easily? sometimes it’s not about missing them but missing the idea of being chosen.
love that! exactly what I am experiencing, I don't want him back but I did want to be chosen over the bar flys and waitresses at the bar
I hate that he gave up so easily. if you only knew what all I forgave and pushed back in my mind. and I feel like as soon as I did what I shouldve done a long time ago and kept foot down hes making everything my fault. like I didnt tell you to go looking and im def not the reason you were put out. like I need for him to take accountability.
Yes it definitely hurt not been chosen its like someone took your breath away and you can just crawl into your bed and never come out your room. But I thk its more of how fast you moved on but not only moved on but already been intimate with someone after 2 months you gave up 10yrs after 2 months thats how I feel. So everytime I thought of him touching her I felt sick.
BUT!!! Now after a few days and some truth i was like hes still the SAME PERSON he hasnt done anything different I just want him back because he was witb somebody else. I never properly grieved the relationship because in my mind when we split i thought eventually he would be like let me just try therapy because I want my family back so it never crossed my mind tht he was searching and found someone else so thats why it really really hurts.
and then I said why do I care if hes touching her.or sleeping with her because the sex wasnt good anyway and I havent been really satisfied for over 7rys and I can probably count on hand how many orgasms I have had since ive been with him and I made myself have those half the time. He hasnt gotten help for tht so WHY DO I CARE?? so I have started feeling much better. i dont wake up and my mind go straight to them and I get sick and cant go back to sleep. I can thk about him without crying and I can talk to him without being anxious. I thank God because I prayed and prayed for some relief. also I forgot not long before the break up I had been praying for God to remove anything or anyone out of my life that didnt mean me any good or couldnt help me get closer to him and give me the strength to deal with it. So im not 100! sometimes I drift off into the what ifs but the difference now is I dont cry and miss him miserably. I just say you dont miss the him he hasn't changed i Just miss the ideal of what I thought our relationship was and that hes still a manchild and I shouldnt be scared to let go or be alone. Let him do what hes going to do i cant stop tht
it’s totally normal to feel queasy thinking about him with someone else. you cared for so long. what helps me is reminding myself that peace > pain, even if loneliness hurts right now
thats exactly what I had to remember how peaceful it has been.
i was with someone who also had anger issues and wouldn’t change no matter how much i begged. i remember that sick feeling in my stomach when he moved on too. it’s like your mind knows it’s for the best but your heart hasn’t caught up yet
EXACTLY!!! And the thing about it in my heart i know I dont want him back because he tried to act like he didnt know we was on a break he thought it was over so he got over it after 2 months and instead of getting help and chose a different path and somehow thats my fault. and in my mind it feels like he cheated so I dont thk I would ever want his hands on me again. And then my mind plays tricks on me like well can't I blame him and If he finally chose me I could forgive him.and make it work. Im just so over it and just want to be relieved. im in therapy now to get to the root of my decision making.
I feel so old trying to start over. having to learn someone new. I always felt like my ex was my soul mate and I wish he would've tried to fix the problem instead of blaming me. I loved him so much and put up with so much!!! Just to be blamed tht I didnt give him a chance and tht I wanted it done when I wanted it done rushing him even though it has been over 6 yrs of me asking him to get help.