We met when we were young and built a beautiful friendship. Eventually we started dating and were together for about a year. He ended things because I wasn’t ready to officially label it as a relationship. After that we spent years in an on-and-off situationship never fully together never fully apart.
Then one day he cut things off completely without any explanation. Ten months later he reappeared saying he had moved to another state and couldn’t keep pretending he didn’t want to be with me. I took him back and ended the relationship I was in at the time.
One of our biggest differences was about having children he wanted them right away and I wanted to wait until I was older. We were both deeply family-oriented constantly juggling responsibilities for our parents and siblings. We each had our own personal struggles and instead of communicating we’d retreat into silence.
About a year and a half ago he started pulling away again. He told me he had too much going on and needed space so he wouldn’t drag me down. I respected that. But just three days later I got a message from his wife she had found my number on his phone and wanted me to know they were married. I had no idea. I blocked them both immediately.
A week later my mother passed away. In that moment of grief I wanted so badly to reach out to him and tell him everything. But I buried the breakup under the weight of the funeral and the pain of losing her.
It’s been over a year now. I’ve been in therapy but I haven’t dated or seriously spoken to anyone since. I just don’t feel ready. Despite everything I still struggle to move on. The betrayal runs deep. I get so anxious before even thinking about dating again I don’t want to go through that emotional rollercoaster.
Last night I stumbled upon his family photos on social media and it shattered me all over again. Shouldn’t I be over this by now? Why does nothing seem to help? Will I always be haunted by the “what ifs” wondering how things might have turned out if I’d made different choices? Is it normal to still grieve someone like this even years later?
I know I can’t go back to him. But how do I truly let go and move forward? I just want to feel whole again.
Last updated on:2025-11-13T06:44:02+05:30
Comments (5)
can i ask do you feel like part of what’s keeping you stuck is the lack of closure? like not hearing the truth from him directly? i wonder if your brain keeps trying to solve something that never made sense.
Acceptance+forgiveness=detachment. You can't detach if you will not accept the truth. It's not easy, but i believe in you.
the only thing that helped me after something like this was giving myself permission to stop “healing on a timeline.” i kept thinking i should be over it, but healing got easier when i stopped trying to race it. sometimes it’s not about moving on fast, it’s about learning how to live softer with the scar
i went through something almost identical he said he needed space, then i found out he’d been married the whole time. the betrayal is a special kind of grief because it mixes heartbreak with disbelief. it took me a long time to stop replaying the “what ifs.” it’s not weird that you still feel it. some wounds just take their own damn time.
No one deserves this
I'm so sorry