hii!! keeping some sort of public journal has been really therapeutic for me and has really helped me with my healing process so far. so i'll keep tracking my journey like this until it doesn't hurt anymore. here's what my second week post breakup has been like:

there have been ups and downs. i've consumed enough breakup content on tiktok these past few days to realise that healing isn't linear and that feeling a wave of sadness doesn't invalidate the progress

i still miss him dearly, of course i do. he was my everything for 3 long years, that sort of feeling doesn't simply disappear. however i do miss him a little less every time i remind myself how i was the only one fighting to make us work, how he let me sob for hours when he would ignore me while i needed him the most, how he never cared enough to change his hurtful actions despite my pleas. yes, we were together for 3 years, but a huge part of that consisted of me constantly stressing, having nightmares, crying every weekend i would get home from uni. we did have happy moments, but it's not a happy relationship if i was scared of him for so long

hope is what kept me next to him. i was holding onto the idea of what the relationship could be if only he didn't give me reasons to fear his actions. it took me like 2 full years to realise nothing will change. that's just the person he is with me

today i found out that he can't even acknowledge the existence of my immediate family members in public. to me that just shows a complete lack of respect. its not like we were in some sort of casual fling situation, i was planning to move in with this guy. for him to act like our relationship never existed actually disgusts me

i am starting to see some slow progress. he no longer consumes my mind. now i just get thoughts sometimes, which feels like a blessing compared to how i felt 2 weeks ago. i do still have some moments of "relapse" in which i miss him heavily. just yesterday i felt the strong urge to break no contact. instead i wrote a letter to him that i never sent, which is how i deal with these sudden urges. and i am so glad that i got through it and didn't break nc

i feel myself starting to slowly find my routine without him. i'm getting back into old hobbies, regaining my confidence, rebuilding my relationship with my family. i dont know if right know i am doing better without him, but i do know that it is for the best, one day i will be doing better

so overall week 2 has been a bit of a rollercoaster, but less so than week 1. i am starting to see myself healing, even if it's just a little. week 3 is bound to be even better and i can't wait to meet the woman i will be by then ❤️