I grew up in a home filled with violence and alcoholism. It shaped me in ways I’m still trying to understand. At 14 I met a boy and stayed in that relationship for 12 years but even there I wasn’t safe. He cheated manipulated me and made everything feel like it was my fault. Eventually I ended it.
Not long after I met someone who felt like the love of my life. He was patient kind and introduced me to nature the mountains and a sense of peace I’d never known. We traveled together shared a deep bond and for the first time I felt truly safe. But my past trauma made me moody intense and emotionally heavy at times. He saw life as something fleeting even our relationship. I couldn’t accept that. I wanted permanence. I wanted him to stay.
After seven years he ended things. It wasn’t dramatic no fights no cruelty just quiet heartbreak. He needed space and I respected that. It’s been two and a half years since. In that time I’ve faced depression worked through it made new friends gone to therapy and poured myself into healing journaling meditating exercising and trying to rediscover joy. But the ache hasn’t left. The heartbreak still lingers.
I regret how I acted at times. I feel like I ruined something beautiful. I reached out to him recently told him I miss him. But he made it clear we’re not getting back together.
Now I’m left wondering how to move forward. I know I need to find safety within myself but I don’t know how. Has anyone else felt this way? Does it ever truly fade?
Last updated on:2025-11-17T18:04:02+05:30
Comments (3)
when you think about him now, is it him you miss or the version of yourself you got to be in that relationship?
i stopped trying to force the ache to disappear. i’d just tell myself “ok, today it hurts, but i’m still here.” weirdly, naming it without fighting it made it lighter over time.
i grew up in chaos too and it messed with how i attach to people. my “safe” person left me in the quiet, no fighting, just that soft kind of heartbreak that somehow hurts worse. the way you describe wanting permanence, i’ve lived that. i’m really sorry you’ve had to carry so much for so long