has anyone else reached the anger stage of the breakup yet?

I don't know what changed in the energy this morning, but I'm really angry about how things ended instead of sad and ruminating about what I could have done better, which is typically what I usually default to. I felt like I really took the fall for how our relationship ended and he says over & over how he doesn't blame me, how he understands I had my own issues, but also almost paints himself as this saint to me that "did everything he could to fix us".

all of my trauma responses I went through were constantly made about how he was affected and how it was affecting our relationship, which to an extent is valid since it was affecting our relationship, but in being apart from him I realize there was no way for me to individually work on myself in our relationship. at the end of it, I had no idea where I was going to go or who I was. it felt like my life was over. we were both codependent on each other—I can admit that to myself that I was on him, I don't think he can admit he was also codependent on me.

my ex had a lot of issues with hyper-independence and puts a lot of emphasis & value on being reliable to others. I feel like my ex, deep down, also wanted me to need him. for example: I couldn't drive and he, even if he was tired and someone else was available like a family member of mine, would always insist on taking me to and from work at our shared job. he would be frustrated about me not being able to drive for personal inconvenience at points and it was a significant struggle in our relationship, but then when I would try to drive his car, especially toward the end, he would make up a reason why he didn't want me to.

I don't know. I think what really gets me is how he acted in the end about everything. I'm self-aware about all my faults, mistakes, and shortcomings in our relationship. I've owned up to them and I've apologized for them extensively. I blamed myself a lot for why it ended. I don't think he is aware of his contribution to why it ended and I think he equally did. he acted at the end because he had more relationship experience than me that the breakup was going to be easier for him to get through and I, from the start, didn't think that was true at all and it felt demeaning to me.

I felt like in our relationship he always kinda acted like he had everything together and almost like he was above me for it in some ways, but he doesn't. my ex definitely has avoidant tendencies and that did affect me a lot. I may have struggled with emotional regulation and had a tendency to spiral and I heavily admit fault for that, but he would essentially always bottle up his feelings about many different aspects of his life until he would explode essentially. that triggered me a lot. he would get so anxious he would go nonverbal at certain points and that triggered me a lot unfortunately, not his fault, because the silent treatment was used a lot as punishment in my past relationship.

I don't know. I think we both fucked up. I think we both had wounds that would trigger each other's often. talking to my therapist helped me see the grey area of it more. I really wanted it to work. a part of me still really wants him back and thinks we could start over with the knowledge we have now, maybe at least with the knowledge I have now in working on myself. I don't want to go back to the relationship I had with him before that was founded on codependency and emotional cycles, lots of emotional cycles from many different aspects of our lives. I think I've been in a lot of denial from the start of the breakup and I've been having a really hard time pushing through all these complicated, nuanced feelings.

Last updated on:2025-11-24T23:58:03+05:30