it's getting easier, i think. he is still always at the back of my mind, and my moments are full of thinking how much better i would be if he was with me right now.
but it still seems like i can't go to sleep, because every time i sleep, i dream of him. and i love it in the moment, but when i wake up, it all crashes down. sleeping is the only time where i can forget what it feels like for him to not be in love with me.
and random things can set me off, like spider-man, or dragon ball-z, or basketball, or pop vinyls, or 2000s music, or the soft brown of his eyes, like melted chocolate swimming in the vat of his pupils, mine of which were always dilated looking at his.
maybe it isn't getting easier at all.
Last updated on:2025-11-26T06:24:14+05:30
Comments (4)
when you say it feels easier but also not at all… is there a particular moment or thought that makes everything crash again? like the one thing that hits the deepest?
honestly whenever something good happens in my life, my first thought is to tell him about it. but then i remember that i can't do that anymore
i went through this phase where sleeping literally felt like the only place i still had him. i’d wake up and it was like someone ripped the floor out from under me again. the dreams felt so warm and then the morning felt so cold. and the random triggers… i had mine too. songs, cartoons, even the way someone tied their shoes. grief is weird like that.
it's always weird.