I’ve been seeing this guy for quite a while now. By dating I mean it’s been unofficial but exclusive almost nine months. We’ve built such a strong bond: we spend a lot of time together make each other a priority there’s no one else involved I’ve met all his friends and he’s met mine. He’s told me he loves me multiple times and I’ve said it back. He’s even introduced me to his mom and I’ve spoken to her on the phone many times.
I really wanted this to turn into a real relationship. He would’ve been my first love the first man I’ve ever said I love you to. But he can’t commit. Deep down I knew this long before nine months passed I just kept hoping that with how well things were going maybe he’d change his mind.
He says a relationship doesn’t fit into his life right now. He’s busy pursuing a serious athletic career working long hours from morning until late at night. But the truth is we’re already so deeply involved that the only difference would be the label. I know he feels the connection too. He picks me up after my late shifts no matter how tired he is. When I’m sick he spends the whole day caring for me. He pushes me to aim higher and when I’m down he’ll drive half an hour just to bring me my favorite cake. He remembers every detail about my family and friends. And even though he acts tough with me he’s always gentle and kind.
What hurts most is knowing that before me he was in a five-year relationship. He talks about it sometimes and it breaks my heart. He committed to her. He wanted to. He shared holidays with her family traveled with her his mom bought her gifts. Those are all things I’ve longed for with him.
I don’t think he realizes how devastating this is for me. This is my first real experience with love. I’ve dated before but I’ve never felt anything this deep. And I think part of why he’s okay with us not being official is because he’s already had that kind of love he’s lived it. Meanwhile I haven’t. I’m still waiting for it.
For me someone who’s always been cautious in relationships having my first love end like this is crushing. To think that the first man I ever told I love you to wasn’t willing to commit to me is heartbreaking. I’ve been crying all day. Tomorrow I’m cutting him off.
Last updated on:2025-11-25T23:28:03+05:30
Comments (3)
when he said he “can’t commit,” did he explain what that actually means for him, or was it just the line he always repeats?
i had an almost relationship like this with a guy who did boyfriend stuff but froze the second i asked for the actual title. he’d show up for me in all these tender ways and still say he “wasn’t ready.” it messed me up because he had committed to his ex but somehow couldn’t choose me. i remember that exact sting you’re talking about. it’s a horrible kind of heartbreak because it feels real but also not allowed to be real
I'm so sorry. It must hurt so much. So so much. It's one of the worst pains there is.
But good on you on cutting him off. That takes a lot of strength. You can be proud of yourself for that.