I've made it to day 22 and im still struggling now as much as I was on day 1! im still crying every day, still checking to see if there's another new girl again! we had been together for 2 years and there was 8 other women and 1 man throughout those 2 years so I have no idea why I was taking my ex back every single time. the relationship started to change me as a person, after all the abuse and betrayals I started to get angry and thats not me so thats when I knew I had to go no contact. for the 1st week my ex was still trying to contact me but they have stopped. normally if we had a break up they wouldn't stop trying to get me back and this time nothing. its so confusing and im constantly living in my head. I was very much trauma bonded to this person according to my therapist. I have had intensive therapy and am on a waiting list for EMDR therapy now due to my own traumas but I am hoping it can help me with this trauma too! I just wish I could switch off my feelings because after all the abuse, after all the betrayals, after all the false accusations and control I would still take them back in a heartbeat if they showed some change! this person has fully damaged me yet I still want them! what is wrong with me?
Last updated on:2025-12-02T02:57:48+05:30
Comments (8)
when you think about taking them back “in a heartbeat,” is it them you miss or the version of them you hoped they could be?
both! its killing me! xx
when the panic hits, i try to zoom out and remember how bad it actually felt day to day. it doesn’t fix everything but it keeps me from texting.
I've been doing this to stop me reaching out. wish it would work to stop me thinking about them 24/7 xx
i went through something so similar with my ex who cheated over and over and somehow i still kept crawling back like they were the only person who could breathe for me. that trauma bond stuff is real. it makes you feel addicted to the exact person who hurt you. there’s nothing “wrong” with you. you just loved deep and they used it.
its so exhausting living this way, I wish there was a switch i could just turn off xx
i Just wish the hurt outweighed the good in my mind! logically it definitely outweighed it but I cant stop remembering that when it was good it was good 😭 i am focusing on myself as best as I can but every waking moment that my brain isn't occupied with hospital visits etc all I am thinking about is them with a range of what if theyre with someone else to what if theyre finally doing the work on themselves :( I have hope that in time things would work out and bring us back together but I also know holding on to that is destroying me 😭😭
nothing is wrong with u. The familiarity and comfort zone keeps calling u back but remember the hurt?
Going back to him may feel good but at the end u gonna get hurt. Stay strong keep distance and focus on yourself. Ur mental health matters u matter and u have to stay away from ur toxic ex for ur self. Today it seems hard but in a long term u will be happy.u will recover soon keep going