15 days NC. Its growing with time, even though i fell to my bed and cried again since I did the break up. Cant believe it.

I did not want to. It was 7 months, not that long, but, for me, it was the most meaningful connection I ever made in my 30 something years. Hope. Future talking. I figured her offering a pressure free no label relationship would be okay from a distance after 4 straight days together. I understand why, in her eyes. I thought I had my emotions under control and my heart set aside but we both liked each other a lot.

About 6 months in, I ended up falling in love. She completely discarded my feelings when I told her and told me to just sleep with other women and I have no idea what Im feeling. Even though she said she cared so much about me. I bought a plane ticket to reunite again. We were both excited. Only to back out last minute with no idea when you would like reschedule.. even into next year. On top of it, I had only been laid off for a little over a month and I still was going to do it because we both wanted to see each other.

So I told her I fell in love. "Love is not enough" Yes. But we have to start somewhere. You then told me for the first time I guess your financial requirements...private schools, college funds, a vacation every yea, "to be taken care of" for your two boys. (I mean I would have tried)

Then I recall the questions about my income, credit score, and how I save for retirement...I thought they were because you saw a future, a possible family of our own one day, like you said. "One day" Imagining a life together, even having a baby together, she knew I wanted a family in the future. I fell so hard. I felt a deep emotional bond with her. Just Im still building my career again. She knew that of course. Figured there would be time for all that.

I kept thinking this weekend. I imagined FaceTimeing our Thanksgivings, sharing our food. Her favorite cherry pie. I even had future dates set aside to see her again in a few weeks while I finished up some licensing for a much higher growth area than my previous career.

I was serious to her. I told her I wanted a relationship and I could not deal with maybes and what ifs. My family says I dodged a bullet, but I would have taken one for her.

I still care deeply for her and I truely hope she and her family are doing okay.