Recently, I brought up the topic of breaking up again. I cried and explained everything I was feeling. He cried too. This time, he listened more calmly, saying he really wanted to fix everything but didn't know how, and asked me to explain exactly what was needed. He said he didn't want to lose me, that he never wanted to hurt me on purpose, that he loved me, and that he only wanted something serious with me—even a family in the future. He said he was ready to do anything. After our conversation, he actually started asking about my well-being and caring—but that only started after the threat of breaking up.I was also recently hurt by the fact that my friends, seeing how sad I was, simply brought me flowers and a toy on their own initiative. He got upset about it, saying he wanted to do something nice but "can't anymore," though I don't understand why he can't just come over and make me happy, no matter what his friends did. He explained it by saying he has a different love language, that he "doesn't know how" to give attention through actions. But in reality, my love language isn't gifts or things, but attention, care, and actions. I haven't received any flowers in five months—and I've never demanded them, because I believe such things should come from a person's desire.
Now I'm in a big dilemma. On the one hand, I see that he's immature, and many of his actions (or lack thereof) hurt me. I feel unheard, my boundaries weren't respected, and there was no real initiative to change until there was a serious threat. I'm afraid of finding myself back in a situation where I'm hitting a wall and feeling alone in a relationship.
On the other hand, I'm afraid I might be making a mistake. He says he loves me, that I'm the only one he ever wanted in a serious relationship, that he's ready to change. He cried, he apologized, he said he wanted to be with me. And part of me believes him because I'm so attached to him. There's a fear that I'll never meet someone better again, that I'll lose a good person, that I'm giving up something that could have been important.
I love him, but I increasingly understand that it's not just love, but a strong emotional attachment. I'm hurt and sad, and I don't know if leaving is the right thing to do or if it really will be a mistake. But I also understand that I'm afraid that everything will remain the same—the words.
please i’m gonna go crazy everyone is telling me to go but i’m stuck 😔
Last updated on:2025-12-13T00:03:24+05:30
Comments (8)
when you think about staying, are you holding onto who he is right now or who you hope he’ll become?
probably holding into his swearing to become a perfect version of himself.. even tho i know as soon as it’s no breakup fear— same shit would happen..
watching what someone does when there’s no breakup threat hanging over them. action without pressure. consistency without tears. it tells you way more than any “i love you i’ll do anything” moment ever wil
u are fully right.. the funniest thing that even after his cry and talk about breakup he still got mad because i didn’t want to say that i wanna kiss passionately or whatever and explained the whole thing calmly( because cmon we were talking about breakup we are not okay and sorry but i don’t want to talk about some freaky stuff) . i got so exhausted and i cried cause in my head was like “why again.. i just explained it”
i stayed with someone who only snapped into “i care about you” mode when i finally said i was done. he’d cry, promise the world, swear he’d change. i was so attached that i confused the panic of losing him with love. reading what you wrote brought back that same mix of guilt and fear. you’re not crazy for feeling stuck. it’s literally what these push-pull dynamics do to you.
thank u so much, fr i feel so better im not crazy… how u behaved in this situation?
um that really puts you in a pickle. but since you love him and seems like he loves you aswell and willing to learn and change..i feel like he might be acting that way because he doesn't know how. so may be if you try to give subtle hints of thigs that makes you happy and want. and give him a chance things could turn around.but i think communication is key aswell even though you said it should come naturally each and every person is different and come from different background and life path so you should express your wants and needs but if he continues no to do those things, then you can decide.
i was telling the person directly about things the whole time if smth hurt me or whatever. i was talking about everything cause i always know that communication is key but nothing changed in this 3 month and i gave last chance 12 days ago—no changes but those words and tears to loose me. i was crying every day person saw it but he wasn’t doing anything but saying it’s gonna be okay and he is sorry…..