I wrote to her, but have no idea if it even reached her. I am blocked on facebook but am I blocked on her phone too? No way to know other than to call her I guess, but that would not go well and she would 100% blocked me if she didn't already.
I asked her how our cat was doing. We adopted a cat together in our early days and we always said that if we ever seperated, that we would co-parent. We didnt want kids, so they are like ours to us and while we were dating she had her tubes removed.. Now that she blocked me, or that it feels like it at the very least, since she does not answer anynore and told me to let go because she's happy with her new boyfriend.. I feel desperate. I miss her, I miss my cat. I miss all three of them, but this cat and I, we had a bond. It might sound funny to some but yeah... I still have deep love for my ex.. Strong love. She was my very first adult love and I'm 37 years old. I don't say I love you unless I have no doubt. I dont take chances with love. I didn't date because all my life because ai was afraid of rejection, abandonment.. But she was just.. special. But my depression, my self doubts, my low self esteem, my mental and physical health (i have MS) degraded on me during the years we were together (4 years) and even my love for her couldn't heal me. I self destructed myself and my relationship when she also needed help because her mental health wasnt the best with her alcohol problem and health problems.
And now I'm lost. I told her I was thinking how her stage for her new job was doing, and that I bet it was doing great, knowing how she is. I said I hoped the smalls one (cats) were getting better treats from the advent calendar this year than from last year. That I missed you all. And to have a great holiday season.
it's tearing apart right now that she loves someone else. I know I should feel happy for her, but I just can't. I just want to be with her, hold her. Tell her we just havn't tried enough. That it is true that love is the only thing that matters.
it's just that at some point it felt like I was trying to love for two people, and that's why I decided to go.
Last updated on:2025-12-16T08:24:51+05:30
Comments (5)
do you think you’re missing her as she was, or the version of her where you were still trying to save both of you at once?
I miss her fully.
But I also now know that she hadn't blocked me and noe wants to cut ties with me. Wants me to ties with her also and go no contact with her for at least 2 months. Wants me to get better mentally. I asked her if going no contact fo so long, she wished she didnt hear from me anymore after that, and she said that I was so intense these days that yes. she told me I was the reason for her alcoholism. I can't believe it. feels like she's trying to push me away the hardest she can. Then again. she is happy now with her new boyfriend. and I'm just just a desperate fucking fool.
what helped me, slowly, was accepting that loving someone doesn’t mean you get access to them anymore. that realization wrecked me, but it also stopped the bleeding.
losing the person AND the pet at the same time nearly broke me. people laugh about it but that bond is real. i still miss my cat more than my ex some days 😭❤️ and being blocked just twists the knife.