I want to explain a situation that happened yesterday, but also make it clear that this is not the first time something like this happens in our relationship.
I shared my feelings with him. I said that I felt bad and emotionally left alone in a moment when I really needed support. I was very clear that I was not blaming him, and I repeated many times that it was not his fault . I was only talking about my feelings.
However, instead of focusing on how I felt, he reacted defensively. He said things like “I feel like you’re blaming me”, even though I kept explaining that I wasn’t. He started comparing situations and saying things like “I could also be mad at you” or “I did so much and still feel like I’m the bad one.”
At one point he said things like “Can we just be okay?” and “I want everything to be fine”, but it felt like he wanted the conversation to end rather than really understand me. I felt pressured to comfort him instead of being supported myself.
What hurt me the most is that this is a pattern. When I express pain, the focus often shifts to his feelings, his guilt, or his fear of losing me. I end up apologizing, even when I’m the one who was hurt.
For example, he mentioned that he recently did something important for me (like giving flowers first time in our 6 month relationship ), and then implied that because of that, I shouldn’t feel bad anymore. It made me feel like my pain was being compared or minimized, as if care only “counts” when I stop being upset.
I wasn’t asking for perfection. I wasn’t asking him to change everything instantly. I just wanted emotional support, understanding, and space for my feelings without being told—directly or indirectly—that I’m unfair, blaming, or ungrateful.
Situations like this exhaust me emotionally. Even when he says he wants to change, the same dynamic repeats: I open up, he feels accused, starts comparing, apologizing excessively, saying he’s afraid to lose me, and I end up feeling guilty for speaking at all.
I care about him, but I’m starting to realize that love shouldn’t feel this heavy, confusing, or draining. This wasn’t one misunderstanding — it’s something that keeps happening.
Last updated on:2025-12-23T16:33:54+05:30
Comments (8)
when you imagine bringing up your feelings again, do you feel calm and hopeful… or tense and already bracing yourself to comfort him instead?
i think second, i don’t even want to talk if something hurt me because i know it will be even worse…
every time i tried to explain my pain, it somehow became about his guilt, his fear, his “but i did try.” i’d end up apologizing for being hurt. that emotional whiplash is exhausting
omg yes the same… did u break up?
if he loves and you love him. you need to set down in a good setting. prepare it to be honest open and understanding
regarding what you feeling try to talk to a specialist about your personal issues. we men sometimes too stupid to notice some details. but that doesnt mean we dont love or care. maybe if you opened his eyes a lil and he loves you then you will find him supportive. but if you notice red flags about his intentions then by then you should run
that’s the problem that i have already tried to talk completely open that i’m not okay and i don’t feel listened or respected, i explain over and over trying him to understand that im never against him in relationships but trying to explain my feelings, doesn’t matter if it’s his fault or not, i have NEVER said it’s his fault even tho it was. i always stayed calm and told him that everything okay, but after more then 3 months explaining im kinda exhausted cause person made me feel emotionally dead, not able to breath even cause of cry
he gastling you he can't even understand u and do bare minimum yes it's hurt u explain 1000 times he not listen so tired better let go let him miss u absence send u hug love
thank u💓