I started smoking about 2-3 months ago(it was 3 months since breakup), don't properly remember anymore ahahah. At the begging I smoked around 11 cigarettes per day and it gave me a feeling of calmness and love I felt a long time ago. Even my prescribed antidepressants(which made me feel even worse) didn't gave such effect or even stabilize me. Now I smoke less, combining with snus, as I don't want to ruin my teeth(dentists in Eastern Europe cost arm and leg, u know). Last time I saw him I smoked around him and he didn't even care, but I think that he was disgusted at some point. I don't know if he even understood why I started doing this and that he is the reason, but... If I can't receive a love from him, I guess artificial methods can help.
Last updated on:2025-12-26T20:45:04+05:30
Comments (4)
do you feel like the cigarettes are more about missing him, or missing how you felt when you were loved and safe?
i don’t judge this at all. sometimes we grab whatever numbs the ache just to survive the day. what helped me later was noticing when i was smoking to feel love vs just habit, that awareness came slowly.
i started smoking after my breakup too, same reason. it gave me that fake calm, like being held for a second. i knew it wasn’t great, but it felt like SOMETHING when love disappeared
Is he the reason you started smoking?
No, don't blame him for letting yourself become addicted to smoking. It's your own responsibility and it's your fault.
It's sad watching you numbing yourself.