me and my boyfriend of almost a year broke up in September. its now January and I realize healing will take time and its normal to still be grieving but I feel like ive made barely any progress. I spend everynight sobbing with his hoodie in my arms. I didnt just lose my boyfriend, I lost a whole family. his mom and his little sisters are gone now too. they were my best friends. its like my whole life was ripped from me. we were so close. he would dance with me in the kitchen light, carry me inside so I didnt have to walk, kiss me and tell all his friends how in love he was, get me flowers, drive me around, sing love songs with me, watch Disney movies for hours, hed compliment me every day in a different way without fail. even when making love, hed remind me how much he loves me and it isnt just for my body. I havent ever felt such a connection with someone in my life. I throw up everytime I think about how its gone. I live in memories because knowing my future doesn't contain him anymore is too painful bc my whole future was him. I would wait for him to get home from work and make him food every day. I spent weeks at a time at his house. I never got bored or felt like it was repetitive. i just always thought about how I could do this every day for the rest of my life. and now its gone. and he found someone new. and im stuck grieving someone who's still alive. we are no contact. I couldt tell you anything about his life rn but Ik all his secrets and every little detail about him. how his blue eyes darken when hes sad, how he let's his dad control his whole life, how even though he tries his best to hide it he struggles with his mental health. and now some new girl knows it all too. and she gets the nicknames and the princess treatment and everything that was once mine. I know I need to let go but im not ready. its such a conflicting feeling bc I want it to stop hurting but ik that requires letting him and what we had go and im too scared to do that. im just not sure what to do or where to go.
Last updated on:2026-01-07T23:08:03+05:30
Comments (3)
what part hurts the most right now. losing him, or losing the version of your life where you felt safe and chosen and certain about the future?
hugging the hoodie, crying every night, missing the future i planned. it didn’t mean i was weak or failing. it just meant i loved deeply, and that kind of loss doesn’t run on a schedule
i didn’t just lose my partner either, i lost his family too. movie nights, inside jokes, his mom texting me like i was already hers. people don’t talk enough about that second breakup. it feels like your whole LIFE got deleted, not just a person