I see how much he is hurting, and it truly breaks my heart. I never wanted him to suffer. I know he loves me and wants to be with me. But again and again he comes back with the same words: “Let’s be together again. I’m sure I won’t hurt you anymore. I’ve changed. I only want you.”

The truth is, he has already caused me so much pain — so much that it became unbearable. i always explained but always it was gaslighting or no actions after apologizing .That is why we broke up. Even after the breakup, I stayed. I supported him. I gave him chances. I didn’t disappear. I tried to be there for him. But nothing really changed. The same patterns kept repeating. He still didn’t truly consider my feelings. He still wasn’t gentle with his words. There was always pressure, even when I was already hurting. And there was still roughness in the way he spoke to me.

I kept explaining, again and again, what exactly was hurting me. I told him how I need to be treated. I never attacked him, never shamed him, never said “you are bad.” I always spoke from my own feelings — “this hurts me,” “this is hard for me,” “I need more gentleness.” I wasn’t asking for perfection. I was asking for care.

Every time I heard: “I understand you. I hear you. I’m changing.” But in reality, nothing truly changed. The same words, the same tone, the same pressure kept coming back. Being told “I understand” hurts even more when the behavior stays the same. Because then it feels like my feelings exist only in words, not in reality.

Now, even after everything, he still says: “I only want you. Let’s try again. I promise it will be different.” And it hurts so deeply, because I already believed these promises before. I am tired of believing. I am tired of hoping and then being hurt again. I don’t doubt that he feels something for me. But love without change, without gentleness, without safety, is still painful.

I am not cold. I am not heartless. I am just exhausted.