Today he finally said all the right words. He sounded sincere. He apologized, listened, showed empathy, admitted his mistakes, and told me he wants to change. He said he wants to be gentle, to care, to make me feel safe. These are exactly the words I dreamed of hearing for so long.

And that’s what hurts the most.

We broke up because of gaslighting, because of constant apologies without real change, because I felt unheard and emotionally unsafe. Even after the breakup, I stayed. I cried, explained again and again how I needed to be treated, what hurt me, what I needed — gentleness, care, attention to my feelings. I never attacked him. I spoke about myself and my pain. But I still wasn’t truly heard. The same patterns repeated. The words stayed rough. The pressure stayed.

I kept forgiving.
I kept believing.
Every time he said “I understand” or “I will change,” I gave him another chance. I trusted his words. I hoped. I opened my heart again and again. And every time, it cost me more.

Now he says everything I once begged for.
But I am tired.

It hurts because I wanted this version of him back then, when I was still hoping, when I was still believing. Now these words come after too much pain. My heart learned what it’s like to hope and be disappointed over and over again. So even though he sounds honest, something in me can’t open anymore.

I don’t feel angry. I feel exhausted.
I don’t feel cold. I feel empty from trying.

I see that he is hurting. I know he wants me. I know he regrets things. But I also know what it felt like to hear “I understand” and “I will change” while nothing truly changed. And that’s why it’s so hard to believe now.

It’s not that I don’t want to believe in him.
It’s that believing has already cost me too much.