My dismissive-avoidant ex seemed to move through life effortlessly. He had this natural charisma the way he walked talked and connected with people. He could strike up conversations with strangers anywhere had countless friends and seemed endlessly social without even trying. It always felt like doors just opened for him.
He was ambitious chasing career opportunities financial growth creative hobbies and new experiences with ease. From the outside his life now looks incredible like everything just fell into place for him.
I can’t help but wish I had that same effortless charm that confidence that ability to attract people and opportunities without working so hard.
Meanwhile I’m here doing the inner work feeling everything healing and carrying the pain he left me with while he seems to move forward untouched. I’m working hard on my career friendships and creative pursuits and I am building something for myself. But I still don’t feel settled and it often feels like I’m behind
I keep wondering if there’s a way to learn what he has that ease that flow without shutting down emotionally because part of me longs for that too.
Last updated on:2026-01-22T23:58:02+05:30
Comments (3)
You can be. Charisma is a skill, not some magical ability gifted to someone from birth.
Idk if it’s true for all avoidants, but my FA ex was the same way. She was one in a million and had everyone’s attention
When she became vulnerable about her emotions/fears,insecurities, I learned that her “normal self” was beyond effort for her.
but bro's fucking miserable. He's just squashing it all down. It's not that he doesn't feel pain, he just replaces it with other things, and it's going to build up and one day it's going to explode and he's gonna realize that all the cool shit in the world isn't going to replace having actual deep connections with people.