Idk how to feel

Hey so, I was in a relationship with my ex narcissist for 3 years. I met his family he met mine, I gave him everything he was my first everything and I gave up everything for him for years. I would just stick to his stupid rules (like I couldn’t have boy as friends, while he had 10000 girl friends he would litteraly flirt with, couldn’t go out like I wanted unless he was here, no parties obviously but he would go out often, couldn’t dress like I wanted, I had to change my entire person just to stick with his « image » otherwise he would threaten me to leave me…)He didn’t like my family or my friends, nothing about me honestly. It’s like I dated someone who hated me, which is weird bc he used to show me so much love in the beginning. Whatever, so we broke up, bc he cheated on me 3 times (and 10+ times micro cheating, obviously Idk ALL of what he did…) and I forgave him every time but I came to a point where I was so sad every day about it, and he wouldn’t let me live my life or just get over it bc every time I would bring the topic up he would play victim or say that I talk abt it too much and that we would never move on if I don’t…So I broke up w him bc he was saying that I didn’t give him as much love as in the beginning which was true bc after I discovered everything he did it was hard for me to just act normal. I really loved him but it was hard. He would always complain abt that too. And so I broke up, but we had a little bit of contact where I would tell him that I love him and that this breakup is temporary, it’s just that I needed time to process all he did for me to get better and come back to give him love like in the beginning. I really just wanted to heal and be with him and though he would actually change and not cheat again and again. So he answered me like two times saying that I was the love of his life and that he loved me, 3 days later he posted his new girl. Yeah, he cheated. I know who is that girl bc she was his friend since high school, I used to really like her and thought that we were friends, she was really nice with me too and would always compliment me…So yeah they were tg like 3 days after the break up? I was so sad, I kinda trusted them both, she was the only girl that didn’t bother me after he cheated, but whatever. I know he was talking to her wayyy before we broke up bc I remember always seeing her in the top of his dm’s. Si yeah he cheated, again. And then we had contact again on christmas bc I was actually begging him to tell me if they were legit together I just wanted confirmation tbh. He answered saying that yes they are tg and that it’s over between us. So I sent him one last text were I would just tell him how much I Lovs him and he never answered. My world crushed again when they started posting themselves a lot on instagram. Like I couldn’t even put a skirt on without him calling me a hoe and she was there wearing mini shorts and he was ok with it? Whatever, I stopped everything and focused on myself. Started gym, new style new friends new everything and felt a lot better ngl. After a long time were I wouldn’t go out bc it made me sick to my stomach, I finally decided to go out again. And it was so fun, I met a guy and we kissed, next day we were out tg again with our friends and yk I was holding that guy’s hand (really nothing serious it was just a one night out thing) and he saw me. Like we walked across eachother and he actually SAW me holding that man’s arm. I looked behind when we passed him and he was actually STARING at us, heart dropping experience tbh. After that, he reposted a tiktok saying "Top 3 male canon events : 1. seeing your dad start to slow down 2. Tryung to change a party girl (he was talking abt me bc after he cheated i had the AUDACITY to try and go out again after 3 years of litteral prison….WTH?) 3. Realizing you built a woman for the next man. HM: never being good enough" this actually made me mad. After that I received 2 unidentified phone calls, didn’t answer. The first one was 2 days after he saw me w the guy, the 2nd one was the day after U went to the club and his girlfriend was here making fun of me. And I met one of his friends, and his friend’s friend was trying to flirt w me yk…I saw a lot of his friends that day including his ahhh gf that apparently finds funny to see me, haha so funny to see the girl you destroyed! I didn’t pay attention, but yeah that was rage bait atp. It’s been a month now that we had no contact, they post less, but I still stalk his reposts sometimes and it’s some couple things saying that he is so happy with his new baby or whatever…All of this situation is so weird bc even though all of this is happening, I kinda feel better? I really do, seeing him was sick, seeing his silly gf too but I’m not crying everyday anymore. I can eat normally again, go out normally, dress up as I want, people are being so nice to me, I changed physically the way I wanted and like life is actually fun rn. He is the only bad thing happening in my life rn actually, and he isn’t even part of it anymore. But I’m scared, imagine if this is denial ? Forgot to mention that we broke up on 3rd of december but I’m sad since I found out he cheated the 2nd time and that was on march 2025, so it’s been like 10 months that I’m actually living the heartbreak. But the real breakup came on december yk. Idk, Do you think i’m in denial? I’m scared, will he come back? If he does, would I be able to say no? I really don’t want to be in that cycle again, but I’m so scared. I just want to be happy, I’m happy in a way actually, it’s just that it’s hard to let go. I have so much love for the past him, but that man now is none of what I fell in love with.

Am I doing better?

Last updated on:2026-01-27T23:16:06+05:30