My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. Overall our relationship has been good — he’s supportive loyal and stood by me during one of the hardest phases of my life. I truly love him.
Recently though things became complicated when we started talking about marriage. He told me he would only marry me if his parents approved. Later he said they did though they would have preferred someone from a bigger family but were fine with his choice.
He also shared that in 7–10 years he plans to move back to Village. He expects me to go with him live in a joint family and take on traditional daughter-in-law responsibilities. He says this is a “future issue” and that there’s a 50–50 chance he’ll return because he feels happier and more comfortable there. He also insists I can’t say no to Village unless I’ve lived there with his family first.
I’ve been clear with him that I don’t want to move back to Village and I don’t want to be financially dependent on him. I’m the sole earner in my family and my mother is my only parent. He’s also unwilling to move to the province where I live because of his well-paying job.
Today he called again saying relationships require compromise. He gave an example of his friend marrying someone long-distance and insisted things will work out in the future. He also clarified that clothing restrictions would only apply in the village and I could wear what I want otherwise.
I love him deeply but I can’t see myself in the future he envisions. Despite many conversations we haven’t been able to find a resolution.
Last updated on:2026-01-30T21:25:04+05:30
Comments (4)
when you picture yourself actually living that village life, joint family, rules, dependence. what feeling shows up first in your body? calm, fear, resistance, grief?
i’m not gonna tell you what to do, but i learned that when someone frames huge life choices as “later” or “50–50,” it still shapes the present. loving someone doesn’t magically make two futures compatible. that realization wrecked me.
four years in, super loving, supportive guy. then marriage talks unlocked the “this is how my family does things” version of him. i kept telling myself it was a future problem until it felt VERY real.
Yes, it’s a dealbreaker if your future plans don’t align in such big ways