never thought I’d write this but I’m trying to leave an abuser. I won’t go into details about the abuse, as it is fresh and I can’t even let the words out fully. but I hate myself for not leaving sooner. and I hate myself fo loving him still. I don’t know what would allow me to stay in love with someone who doesn’t value me. this is forcing me to address my own self-abusive tendencies.
I fled and am with my mom now. she’s taking care of me. yet I can’t stop having flashbacks. the bad times. the good times. I’m so addicted to him. I feel so sick and I have to get better.
I prayed for god to take this sick love from my heart. and it’s still here. wondering about him. hurting for him.
I will pray everyday that my heart heals. yet I don’t know if it ever will. I’m so sad and broken. I need help staying away from him. I can’t believe this is my life right now.
Last updated on:2026-02-02T19:34:23+05:30
Comments (7)
when the flashbacks hit, is it more the good memories or the bad ones that pull you back toward him?
it’s a combination of good and bad flashbacks. it’s leaning more towards the bad because the level of abuse reached a point of no return. the good flashbacks break my heart because it feels cruel that someone so bad for me could also feel so good once upon a time.
i left an abusive relationship and the part no one warned me about was still loving him after. i hated myself for it. the addiction part is real. my body missed him even when my mind knew he was hurting me. that doesn’t make you weak, it means you were bonded in survival mode
thank you. this is importbat for me to remember so I can forgive myself
You are so strong! You will heal. When it gets really hard for me I read about what happens with our brains during a breakup. It helps me seeing things objective and not put so much blame on me and why I still love and long sometimes. We are biologically wired to react to breakups, we can also help rewire it. You took a big step and I'm so proud of you. All the love to you.
thank you so much for your words. I’m an intellect so maybe it will help for me to study Brain Chemistry too. I appreciate your kindness
@JoySpirit874 for me it helps understanding what happens in the body when we suffer loss, it helps me to give myself grace. Take care of yourself