My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for about 3 ½–4 years. The last time we broke up I was a senior in high school and he had already graduated. Back then the issue was his laziness he wouldn’t take me on dates hang out buy me flowers or even leave his house.
Almost a year ago we decided to try again. At first things seemed promising. During the year and a half we were apart he had gotten a job bought a new vehicle and seemed to be doing better. But now nearly a year into this second chance things have gone downhill. He has a job but it doesn’t pay well and he constantly complains about it without making any effort to find something better. He even has a good opportunity lined up but refuses to get the qualifications because he’s too lazy. I try to encourage him but he just ignores me.
I love him deeply and want the best for him. I told him I wanted to get engaged soon since we’ve been together for so long and he agreed but during an argument he admitted he never really wanted to get engaged because he sees it as no different than dating. That hurt me especially since he never shared that before. On top of that his mom often makes comments about me saying I expect too much or that we’re too young. She enables his behavior and he never stands up for me.
Recently I sat down with him and explained how tired I am of his laziness lack of consideration and his mom’s involvement. For months now he’s done nothing but sleep play video games with his brother and expect me to come over. No dates no flowers no effort. I’m someone who puts a lot of thought and effort into holidays and special moments and I don’t mind doing that but I want reciprocation. During our talk he barely said anything just apologized and promised to do better. But it took me threatening to leave for him to even react and that bothers me.
It’s been a week since that conversation and nothing has changed. No flowers no dates no effort. He FaceTimes me but only while lying in bed playing games or watching YouTube. He thinks running errands together counts as quality time. I want someone who loves me the way I love them but I feel guilty for expecting more. He says he’s had a mental block for months that’s kept him from doing much but I’ve been struggling too juggling nursing school working a lot and still taking care of him and our dog.
Last updated on:2026-02-04T20:04:03+05:30
Comments (3)
when you imagine your future honestly, like five years from now, do you picture yourself still carrying him like this? or does that version of you feel tired already?
i dated someone like this for YEARS. same cycle. big promises only when i was halfway out the door, then straight back to video games and “i’ll do better.” i loved him so deeply and kept telling myself i was asking for too much, when really i was just asking for effort. the mom enabling it too… that part especially stung. i felt invisible in my own relationship
I’m so sorry to say but you can’t change him and you shouldn’t settle for less than what you deserve. Staying will only make you resent him and cause more pain.